Catch Up Post: Beach trip

In May, we took a long weekend trip to the Georgia coast. Aaron and I were feeling remiss for not getting Zeke to the beach more often, especially after he enjoyed his last trip so much. We rented a cottage a few blocks from one of favorite beach hangouts in the Savannah area and looked forward to a weekend of playing in the sand and water and good eats.

The best laid plans of mice and men, though....The weather was unseasonably cool and rainy and felt much more like fall than the start of summer. Our last day of the trip, the temperature dropped into the upper 60's. To top it off, the day we got there we went for dinner to our favorite restaurant only to find it wasn't open yet for the season and perhaps even closed permanently. Still, we took Zeke for a walk on the beach and he seemed very hesitant about the water. He also looked a little worried as he talked about how "big" the water was. But, I showed him he could write in the sand and he loved that. He loved that so much that the next day, the only day suitable for getting in bathing suits, he would only play and write in the sand. The only other activity he was interested in was taking pictures with his camera.

Despite all of this, we had a really nice time. I brought lots of games and books with us so we had plenty to do even when inside, and we also made a trip to an indoor play area at an area mall which Zeke thought was really fun, probably more fun than going out to the beach. Also memorable from the trip was that he really adopted our rental cottage as a second home and talking about it as "our other house." This is a theme that extended throughout the summer as he also called a hotel in Charlotte and the house we rented in Turks and Caicos our other houses. What we lacked in good weather and timing this summer, we apparently made up for in good real estate!

The first day, tracing letters in the sand.

The second day, same as the first.

Finding the right beach shot.

A rare smile on the beach, getting a ride from Dad.

Zeke reading his favorite book at the time, Where the Wild Things Are.

The longest meal ever

Zeke was determined to make it through an entire meal recently, using only chopsticks. I appreciate the way he stuck with it, but I'm sure the waiter would have appreciated us leaving the table a little faster.

Halfway There

I'm at least halfway through this pregnancy now. Fortunately I finally seem to be beating the exhaustion, so I am optimistic that I can get more done in the next few months than I have in the past. Could just be the timing or the massive amounts of B12 and iron that I have started taking. Now my naps are just one hour versus three hours! The belly has really popped out in the past two weeks and the belly button is almost gone. I've switched into a few maternity items finally, though I'm mainly wearing some of my clothes from before I started my fitness kick this year. With the appearance of the belly, this pregnancy has only just started seeming really real. Without further ado, here is a belly photo. The photos of me aren't great, but let you give you an idea of what is going on.

Camouflaging the belly

Oh, there's the belly...

Catch Up Post: School

In September, Zeke started his third year of preschool and the second at this preschool. In an exciting change (at least for me), three years olds get to go to three days of school, so he now is at school one extra morning a week. Otherwise, there were few other changes. He knew all the children in his class from last year or playgroup, his class was next door with teachers he knew, and the class routine was entirely unchanged. Given all this, I assumed Zeke would be glad to get back into the swing of school and see his friends and sing songs and make organic snacks and make leaf prints after nature walks and do all the other hippy-dippy things that I love at his school.

This was not the case, though, and it was mildly traumatic (at least for me). I should have taken some hint from how things were going to be from his reaction to the summer camps he attended at the school this summer. Despite the fact he was in the same classroom with the same teacher and a few of the same children, he was very unhappy attending the summer programs he went to. I chalked it up to a couple of important differences: he didn't know the majority of children in the program, a lot of the children were younger or coming to the school for the first time and had a hard time adjusting, and then also it went against his expectations. I always try to prepare Zeke for big events like holidays or school breaks by letting him know well in advance and reminding him and putting in on his calendar. In May, I let him know there school was going to be out for the summer and he wouldn't be going back for awhile and that it might be the last time he was with his teacher. I referred to this as a "school break." Therefore, I should not have been too confounded when he started crying when I took him to the second or third day of summer camp in July. He kept telling me, "No no no it is broken! School is broken!" I didn't know what he talking about and thought about asking his teacher if he had broken something the first day. Of course, now I think it was about my word choice of "school break" and school being so different. Poor mommy, poor Zeke.

Zipping to September, Zeke was the only child in his class who cried when we attended the Open House when you come in and meet the teacher and just play in the classroom for the morning. Oh, how I felt the dread starting to creep in that he was attached to me the whole time we were there. School started and every morning was a struggle. He didn't want to go to school, he didn't want to pull onto the street where the school is, he didn't want to get out the car, and he certainly didn't want to put his things away and then go in the classroom. Every morning his teacher had to take him from me crying. Again, this is from a child who has gone to school for two years and knows this environment back and forth. My consolation is that the teachers reported that he stopped crying a minute or two after I left and that he was always happy when I picked him up. He just seemed to not be able to get over the transition and letting go of me. Then we went on our Turks and Caicos vacation early in the school year for a week, throwing him off routine and nothing had changed when we got back to school. This continued for the next three weeks -- maybe even four?

It was embarrassing, exhausting and challenging. As a compulsive worrier, I wondered if there was something about the school that wasn't working for Zeke. I picked this school for what I needed and what I thought Zeke needed, but not for what Zeke wanted. Zeke may have wanted to stay at the first school he went to where time is highly structured, activities are traditional and school-oriented (e.g., worksheets, skill charts with gold stars, book time) and rewards can include movies and candy. Zeke who loves reading, adult directed activities and movies, I thought, might be more comfortable there than at a school like his where toys do not have buttons or plastic, stories are told or sung not read and children are given a lot of time for self-directed learning and play. Aaron shared my concern about Zeke having a hard time with school, but thought that this was much more an issue about Zeke being three and being attached to me. The teacher felt he was making a show for me for some reason she couldn't pinpoint since he was fine once I left. I really tried everything I could to make it better or different.

Finally, a few weeks ago, it changed. Suddenly and completely in one day. One day, Zeke had no complaints or whines about school, put his things away, gave me a big kiss and hug and walked into class on his own. There are three possible reasons. First, I gave him a different "script" to follow. I focused less on telling on telling what not to do and reworded my directions to him. So, less "no crying today" and more "walk into the room without me." Really, when I told him we were going to go to school and that he had four concrete things he had to do, it seemed to click. He said, "Oh, okay" like he just hadn't understood me before. Second, I promised him that if we went three days without crying, he could have the Shaun the Sheep DVD I bought him and cruelly left out sealed and unopened. My kid really loves DVDs -- so much that you would think that the only thing he does is watch DVDs, so this should have been a strong motivation. Third, it could just be that he changed and it had nothing to do with me. His being three years old has been a real challenge for all of us (a post on this to come), but in the past month, things seem much smoother, I don't worry about whether he will make it to four and we are all much calmer. So, maybe he just changed. More evidence that what I do as a parent ultimately seems to have less impact on things than what Zeke decides to do: it is both a relief and a terror to see this in action.

Now all seems much better and the past weeks forgotten. Zeke's attitude when he goes to school is the same as when he is at school as when he leaves school. He learns lots of other things from his classmates (most recently, how to be Spiderman shooting webs from his finger and that "poop" is a funny word). His teachers report that he has an excellent memory and can repeat a song or story after hearing it once, listens and follows directions well, is appropriately independent, participates in storytime, sings all the time and is generally very sweet to them and to his friends.

Aaron and I did get called in for a conference recently which had me a little worried -- even though I got the invitation after asking a lot of questions about his behavior in class I still worried they wanted to tell me I had a mini-sociopath or similar. In fact, they just wanted to tell me that they noticed that he had a harder time in class with imaginative play in free time and joining classmates in imaginative play. This behavior meant that his play was a bit repetitive and his idea of joining friends playing with blocks was to knock down their block castle. None of this was a surprise and I think we helped illuminate the situation for the teachers. This is in fact, some of what he is like at home, he does like adult-lead activity and this is not at all related to how often he plays with other children, as he plays with other children at least once a week. Also, I have noticed in the past few months, a real growth in his imaginative play, though I think he has always been creative -- just not in ways that you would see when you put a dozen three year olds in a room with a bunch of wooden toys. Talking with them and sharing observations reinforced some of what I perceive about Zeke: he is a left brain dominant sort of kid, likes the mechanics of language, is literal (see above: "school is broken") and technical and concrete. It's all stuff that will serve him well when he gets into a more traditional school setting.

And, for now, I certainly do feel comfortable putting him in an environment where the teachers see his differences and are trying to help him develop that which is more challenging for him. He likes the snacks, his friends, and the time to play. Two weeks ago, they had their first field trip which was out to a farm and tonight they have their first whole school event, the Annual Lantern Walk. Despite the rough start, I'm looking forward to the rest of the year and hope it continues as peacefully and happily as it is now.

Baby Zeke

Zeke has a few children in his life who he really seems to care about and have an affinity for. And, luckily enough, these children also seem to reciprocate that friendship. I feel lucky that we have been able to expose Zeke to enough children in the right settings so that he has found children he wants to be his friends: from children of friends we met in childbirth class to playgroup to around the cul de sac to school.

More than a few of his friends have baby siblings, but at least a couple of his friends will have babies join their families at about the same time. Zeke's friend S. used to live in our neighborhood, is in the same class as Zeke this year and last, and her family is expecting a baby in April as well. Her mom told me and mutual friend T.'s mom, that S. is pretty clear on what their baby should be named. If the baby is a girl, she should be named after T. If the baby is a boy, he should be named "Zeke". Swoon, I love S.

Sprout and Butterbean

As I mentioned recently, Zeke doesn't really seem to get the idea that I'm having a baby and that there will be someone new here pretty soon. However, we can tell he is working on it over and twisting it around in that big noggin of his, even if he isn't asking much about it.

Piece of evidence #1: Zeke likes to read everything and loves to read his books, even the duds we sometimes check out from the library. But, he steadfastly refuses to read the Dr. Sears Baby on the Way book I bought a few months ago. He is familiar with this series of books and was a fan of the Dr. Sears potty training book, but we have read not even one page of this book. Too much information, I guess. Eh, I continue to leave it out and see if he takes an interest.

Piece of evidence #2: He announced to his entire preschool class yesterday that he has a baby in his tummy.

Piece of evidence #3: He has determined that the baby is saying "blurb, blurb, blurb" much like how he imagines that fish talk underwater. I didn't tell him that the baby is underwater or what things are like for the baby, but this is his intuitive understanding of it. Even though he thinks the baby is talking, he does not want to talk to the baby. I asked him if he wanted to talk to the baby this week and he honestly looked a little freaked out that I asked and shook his head.

Piece of evidence #4: He doesn't spontaneously talk about the baby, but will answer questions about the baby when asked. When the baby is born, he is going to sing it "Hush Little Baby" from the book Zeke has. The baby needs a teddy bear like he has a teddy bear. (I think Zeke might have picked out one of his bears to give to the baby. One of his bears is now named "Baby Bear" and his bear is "Zeke Bear" and the one that he makes me carry around sometimes is "Mama Bear." Thus, I think Baby Bear must be intended for its namesake.) Zeke now only wants a baby brother, though he very early on voted for having a sister. Many of his friends have baby brothers, so I think he just wants the same. He wants the baby to named something that sounds like some combination of "owls" and "olives." It sounds like "awl-yuz" though according to Zeke this is spelled "T-O-Y-S-R-U-S."

He does seem to be warming up to the idea of someone else being in our lives, though, and that warms my heart. Sometimes he asks for me to sit next to him in the car, even when I am driving. Last week after I told him I was driving and couldn't sit in the back seat, he asked me to move his seat into the front passenger seat so that he could sit next to me. I told him that children have to sit the back seat and that when the baby comes that he or she will also have to sit in the backseat in a car seat. Zeke pointed and asked, "The baby will sit there?" That really took hold because he was very excited about that and even told Aaron that night the news that he would be sharing the backseat with the baby. Today after loading him up in the race car shopping cart at Home Depot, he told me that the baby would sit next to him in the cart soon. Let's hope he feels so warmly about sharing everything else in his life, too.

Zeke the Protector

We try to raise Zeke so that he understands that there are rules for him to follow -- and that he sometimes has the safe space to break rules. For the most part, we seem to be succeeding and he is a pretty rule-based kid. (For the other part that doesn't follow rules, I chalk that up to him being 3.) He seems to have internalized a lot of rules and we've noticed recently that he tries to enforce them among his friends and with us. For example, I've asked him to be considerate and not be loud when I am on the phone and he demands the same of me when he is on the phone. The difference: I'm on the phone with a person that wants information from me from some reason, Zeke is on a play phone having a conversation with himself.

We also feel, in general, that Zeke is developing appropriately in regards to his moral character and empathy. Aaron was really the one who noticed this first, but I got to see this first hand at the playground last Friday.

We were having a great play date at the playground with one of Zeke's good friend from schools and Zeke was really caught up with his friend. He stopped in this tracks, however, when he saw two little boys, one younger and smaller and one older and bigger than Zeke. The younger one was wailing and the older boy was dragging him away. Zeke ran over and got between them as I scrambled to get closer to see what is going on. Zeke put his right arm around the younger one and put his left arm straight out to get some distance between them and the older boy. Zeke started saying, "No, we don't hurt! No, we don't hurt!" He then started backing away with the little one while keeping his eye on the big one -- it was like from the war movie when the heroic soldier puts himself on the line to save his endangered comrade. Honestly, I swelled a little with pride that Zeke wanted to help and protect the little boy. He was so quick to action! He wanted to do the right thing!

Then, I had to pull Zeke off of the littlest boy and apologize to his mother who had also rushed to the scene.

Zeke, who might be hitting milestones for being moral and empathetic, has not yet learned to carefully observe situations, ask questions or read other people's emotional states. The true situation my child inserted himself was not what he thought it was. The little one had fallen and was upset. The bigger one was his older brother and was trying to get the little one -- in a kinda rough way -- to their mother on the other side of the playground. Zeke probably just made the situation much more upsetting to both of the other boys.

Still, the image of Zeke pulling the one boy close to him and the other bigger boy away from him makes me smile. Maybe he will make good big brother material?

Zeke, Aaron & JoJo

We kept busy and had some great trips this summer. In May, we had a unseasonably cold and rainy trip to Tybee Island and in June we had the honor of attending my stepsister Rosanne's wedding. In July, we went to North Carolina to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary and in August, we visited my family in Florida. Then, finally, we went to Turks and Caicos for our first big family vacation. (I mean this to say, our first trip as a family just for leisure purposes and not to see family or to get to an event or to rush around by car.)

Going to Turks and Caicos offered a lot of firsts for my boy: first airplane trips, first passport, first boat trip and first time swimming with a wild dolphin. No kidding! A wild dolphin! I only managed to capture a few seconds of it on video as the dolphin was leaving, but you can still get the idea. We took a half-day boat trip and towards the end of the trip the boat stopped at Big Water Cay. Aaron was already headed into the water as the dolphin swam up, but Aaron was fast thinking enough to grab Zeke to meet the dolphin at the back of the boat. The dolphin investigated for a moment and then swam back from where he came.

I love the expression on Aaron's face! Zeke hardly registers that this supercool thing has happened, but at least we have video of it to show him in the future so he can be impressed then.

We are calling the dolphin "JoJo" for the Turks and Caicos wild dolphin who famously comes up to and swims with humans in the area where we stayed. Who knows whether this was actually THE JoJo, but for all practical purposes, it was. I hadn't anticipated that we would actually see JoJo or his small family because of seasonal factors like currents and fish, but it looks like our boat captain found the right place. (Aaron tipped that captain very well, too!)

RIP Naps

Mark this moment: I think we are really seeing the end of the nap for Zeke. I knew it might be coming soon, as so many of my friend's older children stopped napping at 3. We may still squeeze out a few more naps, especially on busy days, but we have gone almost a whole week without a nap and skipped most naps the week before. Sometimes, we will still go through the nap routine and have "quiet time" which is not nearly as satisfying as getting him to nap. However, even when he was taking naps a week ago, he would still be grumpy at the end and often want to nap so late that it would interfere with dinner and the evening routine.

The upside of this (I'm looking for silver linings) is that the day can be more flexible if we don't have to be home at naptime and the day can be structured just a little more loosely. The obvious downside is that Zeke was a pretty good napper and I liked having that time. Also, I didn't worry about how much sleep he was getting a day, because between his nap and nighttime sleep, I think he got enough. Now we are trying to adjust his bedtime to be earlier and it is a challenge for all of us.

And, as his apparent need for naps has disappeared, mine has skyrocketed. I become zombie-like and exhausted around 3:30 and often need to nap for about 2+ hours. (So, scratch the part about not having to schedule my day around naps. Good bye, silver lining!) This usually bumps into the time that I should be preparing dinner, so we more than a few times recently we have had to frequent our local eateries if we wanted anything of a decent meal. It is nice to take a nap, but a drag to lose that time and even more of a drag if I have a 3 year old who wants me to get up and play "bear" with him and won't let me nap. I'm tinkering with my diet to see if it helps, but I am sleeping so lightly at night that I don't know that changing my diet will make too much difference.

(I did have a photo of me that Zeke took to accompany this post, but decided that it might be held against me if posted. The other day Zeke said he would nap if he could sleep in my bed. Of course, I fell asleep and he didn't and took my picture with his camera that he proudly showed to me later that evening. I don't need photographic evidence of my negligence for DFACS/CPS.)

There were 7 in bed....

For most of his life, Zeke has never really been attached to any "lovey" or stuffed animal. For about a year, we have had some "friends" in his bed with him, but that was more out of having a particular order and routine to bed, than it was out of a need that Zeke expressed. Regular friends included Baby and Otter.

Sometime this summer, though, Zeke started getting attached to stuffed animals. I attribute to his imaginative world growing and maybe also to watching/reading the children's story Corduroy about a teddy bear. After we saw that, I opened up the drawer where all the stuffed animals live and took out some teddy bears so that Zeke could see that he had some teddy bears to play with.

Well, now the summer is gone and past, but the interest in his friends has continued and grown and most of them have to sleep with Zeke at night. As shown here, we have: Cow (from our July trip to North Carolina), Teddy (sometimes "Zeke Teddy"), Mama Teddy, Baby, Knuffle Panda (after the book character "Knuffle Bunny") and Otter. It is very crowded in that little toddler bed. He does call them his "friends."

Zeke is most attached to Teddy who goes a lot of places with us. Just this week he has been to the art museum, shopping and to school drop-off. He even got to go with us on our family vacation to Turks and Caicos last month. When he first started playing with this teddy bear he called "Zeke" and the blue teddy bear "Other Zeke". This reminded some of my friends of the character from the Newhart show where the one brother is Darryl and his other brother is Darryl. Because I wasted my college education as an English major, though, I saw it as a natural latent interest and acknowledgement of "The Other" of literary theory and philosophy. That being said, the blue bear quickly "Mama Bear" (which is more Freudian, than Lacanian....am I right?) Zeke Bear and Mama Bear frequently mirror daily interactions between Zeke and me. By turns this is touching, funny and/or horrifying. Mama Bear is frequently bossy, Zeke Bear is frequently mischievous and wants cookies. Fortunately, they love each other very much and hug and kiss often, so I have hopes that it will all work out. It is also touching that Mama Bear often has to be with me. Zeke will give her to me at bedtime sometimes so that I have a friend to sleep with. I also have to have her around if we are sitting on the couch or if I am making dinner or any number of other activities that would be more convenient without holding a blue stuffed bear. Poor daddy -- he doesn't get any teddy bears.

Coming Attraction

Lots of news from the summer, not the least of which is that Sprout will no longer be an only child. We are expecting our second child, due early spring 2010. The official due date varies from late March to early April. We're scheduled to find out about if this is a boy or girl around Thanksgiving.

Profile of "Butter Bean" from this week's ultrasound

In what is a little quirk of the universe, Aaron and I are now where we were almost exactly 4 years ago when I was pregnant with Zeke. It was almost four years ago that I started this blog. We went to the Caribbean for the first time four years ago and announced our pregnancy shortly after. And, we just got back last month from our second ever trip to the Caribbean. This is just a coincidence, though, not pattern. If we are lucky enough to have more Caribbean vacations, we do not intend to have any pregnancy announcements!

Both the baby and I are healthy. I've been continuing to work out 4 times a week, I've gained less weight than before and have done well on any tests I've been asked to take. This pregnancy has not been quite the cakewalk that Zeke's was, though. The first trimester was all about exhaustion, heartburn, morning sickness, bad skin, ligament pain and more exhaustion. It seemed like the body remembered what pregnancy was last time and just went right back to that. Now that we are in the second trimester, things are getting much better and, for the first time in months, I had some energy this week. That being said, of course, I try my best to take a nap when Zeke does and today I slept most of the afternoon & evening while Aaron was at home. I think I've also been able to feel, at this very early date, the baby moving around. Not kicking, but spinning around. Still amazing.

We have told Zeke that we are expecting another baby. He doesn't get it yet, but we're sure he will as we get closer to the date. He's not really the kid that asks "why" about everything so we haven't gotten any questions and he doesn't seem particularly affected by the news. When we first told him, we told him something along the lines that "Mommy has a baby in her tummy." Zeke's only prior understanding of why something is in one's tummy is because someone has eaten something. Therefore, he seems to believe I have eaten a baby. His words were along the lines of: "Mommy has a baby in her belly and in her tummy. I EAT THE BABY! I have a baby in my tummy and in my belly."

I EAT THE BABY!

(We referred to Zeke as "Sprout" before we shared his name and so people have been asking if we are giving a nickname to this baby. I don't think it will be as big a deal this time, but we sometimes refer to this baby as "Butter Bean.")

Nap, Part II

Zeke woke up from his nap, wandered out of his room onto the landing and then settled back down for the second part of his nap.

Paint it red

Zeke has a favorite color: red. Everything he talks about is red. Everything he wants is red. Frequently he asks for specific things in red, but usually just to tease me. For a few days, he took a flashlight to bed with him. We don't actually want to let him sleep with our regular flashlight so we went to find him his own. We get to the store and I find an LED flashlight with rechargeable batteries -- really the perfect flashlight for a kid who will likely have the thing on for hours -- and I'm excited because it is red and this is exactly what we came to the store for. Nope. Zeke then says he doesn't want the red one. The same thing happened with shoe shopping today. He asked for red. I got red Crocs out, and then he told me no.

Still, he mainly will pick red things at home: the red cup, the red marker or crayon, the red Lego. Red, red, red!

Mommy no more

As of today, Zeke says he is going to call us "Mom" and "Dad." No more "Mommy," "Mama," or "Daddy." Where does he come up with this stuff?

Snort!

Earlier this spring, we went to a "Touch a Truck" Day in an adjacent town. We got to see all sorts of truck and sit in them. I found that I wanted this street cleaner -- it was really cool and you could see through clear panels on the floor. I would love to do my part for civic pride and drive one of these around on a regular basis -- do you think they have a hybrid version?

What was especially memorable to me was that other kids were talking about each truck and construction machine and what each one did. Not Zeke, though. Zeke went up to the bull dozer and said, "SNORT!" He kept talking about the different "snorts" in the parking lot.

Why? That is the name of the "creature" who returns the baby bird to his nest in Are You My Mother?, one of Zeke's favorite books to read at the time.

Celebrating Father's Day

Father's Day was a busy day. We started with Zeke and I finishing our gifts while Aaron slept in: Zeke decorated a travel mug for Aaron and wrote "I love Daddy" on it. I juiced four pounds of oranges on the juicer Aaron has been suggesting that we get for sometime. We also had our regular Sunday pancake brunch. After, we went to the Fernbank and watched an IMAX film on dinosaurs and went through the exhibit on dinosaurs. We had dinner at a very family friendly Mexican restaurant and then came home and had a chocolate cream pie I made.

At dinner, I asked Zeke if he wanted to sit with Aaron because it was Father's Day. He said that, no, he wanted to sit with Mommy for Father's Day. After you see how busy he was just in the span of a few seconds, you can see why that was a gift to Daddy that he got to eat without Zeke sitting next to him!

Little prince

A few weeks ago, Zeke went to a Royal Princess Party for one of his good friends from school. (The birthday princess likes to make her father nervous about talking about her "boyfriend" Zeke.) Because I have a poor sense of priorities and time management, finding him appropriate royal attire and then making him a costume became an all important task. I could have just bought a shield and sword and crown from the variety store. I could have. Did I mention I have no discernible crafting or sewing skills?

I had an idea for a crown and, what with the internet being the most helpful parenting tool ever, found exactly what I was looking for. I used the pattern and tried to sew it with my little machine for hemming. Why? Why? When we all know that the hot glue gun can solve all problems? Then I embellished from the original with some odds and ends. Ric rac comes a close second to glue guns in solving all problems. A half yard of blue felt and some more glue gunning made the tunic. Zeke was very interested, interested to a point of distraction in the project when it was coming together.

How does this fairytale end? He wore it for one second after I made it. Not one second more. Not one second at the party. Not one second after.

That will teach me.

C is for "Crocodile"

This was all his own doing. It cracks me up.

Happy New Year!

See, lots of old material to put up, including a post I start six months ago about the new year, mostly about some new things that were going to happen in this year. Only now, I can say proudly about things that have indeed happened this year.

To start: It took some time to say goodbye to my grandmother after her death last August. Even though we were not together a lot, she had a very large role in my life and the process of mourning her got drawn out. We had an informal memorial service for her in August, but then had another memorial service for her a few months later in Chicago at her home church where her family and friends could attend. Of course, the holidays came right after that and the obviousness of her absence was hard.

When I came home from Chicago, I spent a long time thinking about what my grandmother's legacy to me would be. She was always very concerned about living her life in a way that it might improve the quality of my life and that of my sister and mother. Wanting to respect that, I thought about ways that my life could reflect that. I decided that I need to do three things to honor her memory and what she would want to leave behind. I thought about the things that I respected and admired about her and came up with these three things and they became my de facto new year's resolutions.

1. Enjoy and grow my friendships. When my grandmother died, we received condolences from people that she had gone to grammar school with. In an age before Facebook and email, my grandmother cultivated almost 90 years of friendship with people across the country by writing letters, inviting people over and getting on the telephone. I still need to work on this more, but I have been spending more time with friends and reconnecting. Lots more time out for lunch. I have even been out for coffee with my 8th grade lab partner who also lives in Atlanta! I still have a hard time getting on the phone and faltered a little on this when I had a large consulting project in February and March, but expect more from me, friends!

2. Grow something, anything. As I wrote before, one of the things that struck me as hard about the death of my grandmother was that there was so much she could do that I don't know how to do and that I have never even tried. One of the things that I have never done and yet she loved was to garden. I haven't gotten to the point where I am doing anything like gardening per se, but I am taking baby steps to at least getting into my yard. I did put some flowers in the window boxes that have been empty for two years and some hanging plants and I have yet to kill them. I also have some very lonely little tomato plants going and they are right next to my new composting bin. We had some new trees planted and also had a new deck built that we enjoy. I'm going to keep trying a little bit at a time, though this is a hard one for me.

3. Be healthy. Two things that I really remember about my grandmother are how much she watched what she ate and how physically active she was. When I was young I can remember going on long walks with her and, among her effects, we found an audiotape of her narrating her exercise routine! She could be very critical of other people's health, though not often mine. Still, I thought she would be happy to know that I was living a healthy lifestyle. At first I thought this meant that I would try to lose weight and maybe even try to get back to the weight that I was in high school, but now it has been about being healthy and active. I thought this was going to be the hardest goal for me and it was the hardest one for me to start, but this is the one that I have made the most progress on this year. First, I told myself that I was going to floss my teeth. Such a little thing, but really important and something I have just never kept up with. Done.

Second, get active. Done. No, really!

I have been faithfully attending a fitness bootcamp since the first week of the year. I told myself I just had to go one session to jumpstart my goal and then start going back to the Y, but I haven't stopped going. It was painful at first and I was a ball of nerves. My mantra that first session was "Show up, not throw up." I mean, I used to do anything to get out of PE when it was free at school. Also, physical activity is not my forte or interest and I shy away from things that I don't think I will be good at. But, I made it through all of that and now I am a "vet" at FitWit, a bootcamp that meets four mornings a week at the local school or park with fifth workout on your own. And, yes, I go in the early morning, which is doubly hard for me as a night owl. To cut to the chase, I have become a poster child for the camp, as the trainers frequently remind me how rough it was for me at the beginning. I am now faster and stronger than at any other point in my life. I have dropped over two minutes from my first mile time which was already faster than my times in high school. I can do toe pushups, pull ups and many other formerly torturous exercises. I haven't lost much weight, but I am definitely more toned and in shape -- people who don't know that I have been doing FitWit tell me it looks like I have been losing weight. Did I mention my new two piece bathing suit? It's been fun, I enjoy the people I've met and I get to carpool with my next door neighbor who has been going for years. I even ran my first 5k and am getting ready for a 10k (the Peachtree!). It isn't really much for other people, but a big change for me and I think my grandmother would be impressed. For the rest of the year, I'm going to try and sustain what I've been able to do and gradually add other health goals like getting enough sleep, a lifelong problem for me.

I think what I have found most challenging and also most rewarding is that I feel like I am making changes in my life and sticking with things that are out of my comfort zone. I have been worried for some time about getting stuck, getting rigid and not being able to make changes and do hard things as I get older. I see it a lot in people I know that they are not able to make changes and repeat negative patterns. So, at least for the past five months, I have been able to take some baby steps (and a couple of miles) to changes. I feel that is a legacy that my grandmother would want for me and my family and for me to share with Zeke.

Here is photographic evidence of my first 5k: crossing the finish line (so serious!) and with the race shirt.

Recent home improvement projects

Sometimes you want to keep people out, sometimes you want to keep a preschooler in. A preschooler that likes to make a dash for it if he sees his buddies from around the block outside without him.

The party animal dances

The advantage of taking a blogging holiday is that I have a lot of material stored up that I want to share/remember for the future: stories, photos, even some half done unpublished posts. Here is one dusty old post that has been sitting on the shelf since November -- photos of Zeke doing one of his favorite things, dancing, at the neighborhood Halloween festival. It was too hot to wear jeans and the lion pants, but he is still rocking the lion top. Get down, baby lion, get down.

Preschool love

Zeke had a good year at his preschool. To just get the basic out of the way: Wow, did that go fast. It hardly seems like he just started. School wrapped up in mid-May. He'll go back in the fall (September seems very far away) and start going for three days a week, instead of just two. Now that is out of the way....

One any given day, about half of the children in Zeke's class (Sparrows II -- HOLLA!) would race outside to play on the hill in front of the church where the school is based. Not necessarily a convenient way to spend half an hour, but fun free time play to really get them tired before a nap and time for the moms to socialize. One of my favorite parts of this time on the hill was to eavesdrop on the little conversations these little people have.

Overheard from one girl to Zeke one day and said a bit woefully: "I love you, but I have to go home." Zeke, love has its own time and apparently its own place and that is at school only.

Rollin'

One day early in April, Zeke just hopped on his trike and took off pedaling...at high speed. Before that, he might pedal for just a bit then back pedal or want a push or more often just scoot. Now? Just hell on wheels. Early on, one of his favorite places to ride is our neighbor's incredibly steep 60 degree angle driveway. Now he mainly does laps around and through the cul de sac, but he may just have a hidden daredevil streak. His trike lives on the front porch and he usually goes for a ride everyday with Aaron supervising.

Some photos from those first rides:

At the Movies

(Dips toe back in blogging waters and the recording of moments from my only child's life. How long have I been gone? 3 months? No, almost 4. Geesh.)

Last summer Zeke saw his first movie on DVD, having gone two years without being exposed to the medium. I think it was part of the whole "we are going to be our super protective of our offspring/future caregiver and never let him watch anything more than half an hour of Sesame Street" parenting approach. But now, a year passes and I think my stars every day for PBS Kids babysitting Zeke long enough to get a shower and catch up on emails. Zeke gets exposed to media pretty often. He likes watching movies at home and is able to focus for 90 minutes on a moving image like you wouldn't believe. Every morning he wakes up and begs me to watch a movie on DVD. His favorite movie these days is Toy Story. He sometimes sleeps with a Buzz Lightyear or a Woody that we have had for years. Sometimes he likes to carry around or nap with DVD cases.

So, in May we decided to take the show on the road, or rather hit the road and see a show. (We did try to take him to an IMAX movie at some point last year, but left a few minutes in when it was clear he wanted to talk LOUDLY during the film.) We took Zeke to a nearly empty matinee of earth. Zeke enjoyed the movie experience, though got a little restless at the end. He spent the time naming different animals in the movie and narrating what was going on with those animals. 

He really surprised us at one point, though. The movie features a lot of prey vs predator scenes, though always cuts away at the critical moment and switches to another vignette. So, you could hypothetically look at a scene and say, "Oh, how sweet. The cheetah is playing with the baby antelope. Aww, now they're hugging and the cheetah is kissing him on the neck." You're not likely to do that, but maybe if you are 3 and have no awareness of death and killing. During what was a really uncomfortable scene for me, a pride of hungry lions stalk and attack an elephant who has been weakened by exhaustion and thirst. The lions jump on the elephant's back and then the scene changes. What does Zeke make of this? He says, "Oh, he dies. The elephant dies." We were really not expecting that. 

Then this weekend we took Zeke to the opening of Up. Originally we thought we might get a sitter and leave Zeke at home like we did for WALL-E and Ratatouille -- we don't miss Pixar films -- but that did seem a little silly to pay for someone to watch our child when we go see a family movie. Zeke had a great time and was not restless at all, even keeping his 3-D glasses on for more than two-thirds of the movie. As the credits rolled -- Aaron does have him trained to watch credits -- Zeke pronounced to the people his review: "THE END! That was a good movie. I had a great time. Thank you for taking me to the movie." Sometimes I love him enough to forget how "three" he has been for the past month!

Sidenote: Like a lot of people, my favorite part of the movie was Dug, a talking dog. I'm contemplating getting a plush toy to satisfy my own kiddish needs. While trying to figure out where to get one (they haven't been distributed widely yet), I saw this shirt at the Disney Store website. Yes, the most enjoyable line of the film is probably when Dug says "I have just met you and I love you." It seems a little icky, though, when you put it on a shirt for a grown woman.

Nice to meet you

I often wonder what is going on in that pretty little head of my boy and even when I can't figure it out it is usually worth a laugh. Today, I asked Zeke the name of his two toy giraffes. The big one is "Coffee" and the little one is "Turtle."

(The name of his toy turtle is also "Turtle" but I don't think they are related.)

Spell it out: Part III

I am a proud parent, a very proud parent. It is just part of the job description and I see no reason for humility. What's the point? Do you want me to go around picking on his flaws? The kid isn't even three yet. He has to at least be in school before I can become the nitpicking mom, right? I can say, however, that our friends have children with lots of gifts that are different from Zeke's. I know children Zeke's age who speak in full paragraphs, essays and treatises, children with great physical talents, children with great emotional sensitivity and startling imaginations, and, most enviably, children who are fully potty trained. But, still, I take pride in my offspring and what I perceive to be his gifts. If you think it is unbecoming for me to brag, I simply suggest you read another blog...right now.

In my estimation as a parent, education professional (haha) and recovering English major, I think my child is on his way to being a great reader. At my last count, he can recognize over 60 words without any prompting from someone else. About 45 of those words come from a DVD series that he is obsessive over. (I wouldn't have ever thought to get these DVDs, but friends loaned us other DVDS from the same company teaching color, shapes and numbers. After watching them, he was absolutely crazy for them and started pointing out that stop signs were octagons, which pretty well sold me on them.) He loves pointing out words that he knows from the DVDs, including from signs, boxes and books that he can almost read by himself like Are You My Mother? He also enjoys reading words from Where the Wild Things Are, though there is a lot more parent participation involved there. He also seems to be picking up words from places other than the DVDs at a surprising clip. After a few times of reading Where the Wild Things Are, he is picking out "Max" and finding it in the word "maximum" from some packaging left in the living room. In some of the educational settings in which I have worked, it would be miraculous to see a 9 year old -- and probably the 19 year olds I tried to teach -- reading a book, but here my toddler is making a good effort at it. Yes, how my child does benefit from the low expectations I have inherited from our public schools. Maybe other toddlers and preschoolers do this, too, but he is mine, so I remain fixed in my little bubble of pride.

It is often difficult to engage Zeke in an independent activity that does not involve constant supervision or a television, which makes it difficult to get dinner made. Usually, though, I can get him really focused on the refrigerator letter magnets and challenge him to spell different words by himself that I know he can read. Here he is with his name and then one of the words from his DVDs "play".

I promise I won't let this swell me up too much, though. We have a long way to go before we really know whether Zeke is going to be a kid who enjoys and is good at reading. Also, when Zeke first spelled out his first name, he tried to follow it up with his last name. Apparently, our last name is now spelled "IEEEXUFGYRL."

Brand new day

I'm sure you've probably heard by now that we have a new president and, by God, it is great. Maybe better than I could have expected. Yes, it was exciting to have the candidate we were supporting win and the inauguration last week was pretty cool, too, but this first week of policy announcements has been deeply satisfying.

This may not come as a surprise to anyone who knew that our family was pretty invested in this presidential campaign. I don't like even making a call to order take out, but I mustered up enough guts to do some phone banking from the kitchen table and Aaron and I spent a few days doing "get out the vote" canvassing in nearby neighborhoods. Zeke got to go out with Aaron and Grandma Trish one day and I went out canvassing with parents of one of Zeke's classmates, a great way to make new friends. Then Aaron and I went out together knocking on doors -- some date! In general, the campaign was really filled with emotion for me. I was checking websites every few minutes and feeling moved to tears by the extreme displays of hatred one on side and then by the hope my friends and I shared over speeches and polls and promised policies. As an aside, I can truly say I didn't vote for someone based on race, but I can admit my heart rose looking at Obama family photos and identifying with that picture. Okay, my family is not nearly as diverse, but it has a couple of similarities in its multiethnic and multicultural make up that resonate for me as my family in its different doses Asian, black, white, Christian, Jewish. Example: Obama's sister is half Asian/half white. That sort of identification was really powerful for myself and my mixed friends.

I voted early. Experience now shows that we would have been better off voting on November 4, but I was as eager as everyone else I knew to make sure I avoided any Election Day problems and also Aaron and I committed to working at polls on that day. I brought Zeke with me to vote and snapped a few photos of him. When we first got there, the line was moving very quickly and very efficiently and we anticipated only an hour wait. However, it ended up taking over three hours as the voter verification system kept crashing. Lucky for me, Zeke and everyone else with me in that line, I had packed Zeke's backpack full with enough food, toys and books to occupy him and a dozen other toddlers. It wasn't until the last 15 minutes or so in line that he got antsy and I had to bring out the iPhone (Zeke likes to correct me and say "No, it's My Phone!") and let him play with it and stream YouTube videos of Peter Rabbit. Our new friends in line -- you get to know a person after 3 hours -- kept saying how amazed at how patient and well behaved Zeke was. They felt he was coping better with the wait than many of the voters lined up with us! Even though it is probably not how most parents should plan an outing with a toddler, it feels like a badge of honor that we did wait and that Zeke got to be there with me. A tad silly, but completely honest.

In October I started investigating going to the Inauguration and got on the waiting list of one of our state senators, as did a thousand other people. If I had requested the tickets in February, I might have been granted the tickets, because that is when people started requesting them from this senator. Instead we stayed in town and decided to brave the elements and meet up with friends downtown to watch on Jumbotrons in the park. It was fun to be there with 1,200 other people, but it was so cold that I lost feeling in my upper lip, the wind was whipping up dry grass, and the sound was cut at the poem and benediction. All in all we would have been able to view it better from our nice warm house, but it was great to celebrate with other people. Also, afterwards we stopped at Whole Foods for groceries and some soup for lunch. It was great: it was absolutely a ghost town, the least crowded I have ever seen. Guess all the arugula eating, latte sipping liberals were busy doing something else that day. I am hoping we can make plans to be in DC for 2013!

I'm fine if Zeke grows up to have different political views from his father and me. And, even with taking him out for canvassing one day, I did my best to keep him free of any pins or shirts. (I saved all the merchandising for me with my "ObamaMama" shirt and "Mama loves Obama" totebag.) Still, this kid can really get down to will.i.am's "It's a New Day" and seems to relish saying "Barack O'Mama." We will be enjoying all of this for some time to come.


Here is the note that I wrote myself on Election Day:

I was about five or six when I developed an awareness of the American presidency. The first president I remember was Ronald Reagan. The first president that my child will remember? President Barack Obama.

President Barack Obama.

That brings tears to my eyes.

Of course I've been crying a lot recently. I make no bones about being an unabashed liberal. I've already told you that I am an Obama Mama (my shirt finally arrived!). I have spent the past few days with friends and family knocking on doors, calling, talking to people and waving signs for Obama. I don't shed tears, however, because I am a liberal and happy to be on the winning team. It is out of tremendous pride of being an American and having renewed reason to believe in the promise and future of America.

I'm sure there is a good caption here

If you have a clever caption for these photos, let me know. There has got to be something to say about showing your child for the first time that only the top portion of their favorite Sesame Street characters exist.

These photos are from the current Jim Henson exhibit at the Atlanta History Center. If you are a Henson fan, you still have a chance to see it through this weekend. (Just don't try to take any photos in the exhibit or you will be accosted by a security guard like Aaron was.) We went the week before Christmas for a special showing of Jim Henson's Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas that included some outtakes and the participation of a Henson employee and one of Henson's daughters. Oh, how I do love the old Jim Henson stuff. It stands up darn well to the test of time, even when many other of my childhood favorites do not. While Zeke enjoyed the show and seeing some of his favorite muppets, I probably enjoyed it more, proving yet again that so much of his childhood thus far is more about me and not as much about him!

It's a puppy!

But, of course, you knew this without anyone having to tell you. (Zeke had to tell us.) Art from December 17.

Back on the wagon

I'm back. Posts to resume. By the way, it is really hard to get started when you get out of the habit. Don't let this happen to you.