Five months later

Sweet Baby is now five months old. He is 18 pounds, 11 ounces and 27 1/4 inches. One more month, one more pound, one more inch. Isn't life amazing?

He is a sweet thing and continues to refine his people charming skills. He loves to engage people -- especially women -- and has his approach finely tuned. He will look at someone until they return his gaze and then he will do a little open mouthed smile. When they smile in return he will clasp his hands in front of his mouth and then look away coyly. Then he glances back and seals the deal with another smile. He really does work at it, too. While waiting for a table at Ria's yesterday, he just stared at the two women next to me for at least a minute until they paid him attention. I sometimes wonder if I have told the people in our lives so much that he is our Sunshine Baby that it influences how they see him and they all think he is a good baby. Complete strangers, though, tell me he is clearly a happy smiley baby with a sweet disposition, so I am just going to have to believe it.

He is a terribly busy baby. It seems he is never still, even in his sleep. If you set him down he is rolling, pushing himself around with his feet, never ending up where you left him. Today he accidentally pushed himself up on his knees for a moment! If he is in your lap he is looking all over, squirming, grabbing, trying to put his mouth on something. Even in his sleep he is always trying to roll or shift himself. He will wake up and cry if he tries to roll and can't. He will wake up and cry if he does roll. He can't win and we can't win if we are trying to sleep. It can be funny to watch, as long as it is not 3 AM. His swaddled legs pop up in the air, 90 degrees from his body and then they swing to one side and -- pop! -- he's on his belly and pushing up. The only time he doesn't really seem to be so busy is when we have him in the sling.

He has the most wonderful hair right now. It has come back in and is lighter than it was before. We are speculating that it might even turn out to be a very light brown or even -- gasp! -- a blond. That would be a shocker I would have never expected. The delightful thing about his hair is that it is terribly and wonderfully fuzzy. At night I have to make sure to wipe his head as well as his face and hands, because we all seem to rub our faces against it. Also, his hair reminds me a little of a Dr. Seuss drawing of a baby. He has a few long strands of hair at his crown that just stick up.

About a month and a half ago, he stopped being a super low maintenance sleeper. Instead of waking once a night, he likes to wake up every few hours and nurse and I don't always find it easy to get back to sleep. Frankly, I think that Aaron does a better job of it, though he probably thinks that I say that just so that he will do it. Toby's sleep is also interrupted by his rolling and moving and his teething. He became a high intensity drooler two months ago, but he only occasionally seems to be uncomfortable. When he is uncomfortable, he has a hard time sleeping, he drools in his sleep and he wants to nurse for comfort. He sometimes wears an amber necklace and that is supposed to help with teething, but I don't know that it really works. He does wear it well, though! Problems with sleep always make me feel like a lousy parent. I'm hopeful that once he does finally get a tooth he will go back to be a "good" sleeper. I remember that when Zeke finally got his first two teeth, he started sleeping through the night. He is certainly different from Zeke in that he wants to be asleep a lot earlier at night than Zeke. Zeke never seemed ready to go to bed until 9 or later. If Toby isn't getting ready for bed at 7 or soon after, he will likely melt down. If I even tried to keep the schedule that I did for Zeke at five months for Toby at five months, none of us would have survived! (As a reference, when Zeke was that little I didn't even get home from work until 6:30 or 6:45!)

Because of how interested Toby is in chewing on things, because of how big and solid he is and because of my desire to see him nurse less at night, I'm contemplating starting to feed him solids now. I have it set in my mind that we will make it to 6 months and then start, but there is really nothing magic in that number. I get a little annoyed with all of the things that people say to babies, including asking babies that nurse exclusively if they want to eat just because they are busy at the dinner table. However, Toby genuinely seems interested in wanting to participate in eating with us. He'll watch me eat and then suck his lip a little or try to grab whatever it is that I am feeding myself. The pediatrician has recommended starting him with orange vegetables when we do start, so it seems he'll be getting some squash or some sweet potato soon.

Also in the extremely endearing category: Toby responds to his name with a smile. He also reaches for me which completely melts my heart. Each and every time. I hope I am the mother that these little boys deserve!

Something to think about

Zeke is something of a puzzle to me sometimes and especially in the past month. Our interactions have had some rough edges, and I'm darned if I can figure out any one really solid reason for it. This isn't the first time it has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last time I think this about my children: I can't imagine what those middle school years will be like.

We seem to be emerging from this brief phase, though, and I'm glad for it. (I'm sure the return of school will help/has helped as Zeke seems to do well with the routine of the school year.) It means better sleeping, less opposition, fewer tantrums and less fickleness -- on both of our parts, I admit.

Maybe it is adjusting to having a sibling, coming off the end of a summer, me struggling to figure out the best sleep routine for him, or just coming up on a new developmental stage. It could be all of those. I do lean a little to the last reason, as Zeke seems to have really hit some new developmental strides this summer: more talking, more questioning, more storytelling and imaginative exploits, more awareness of feelings and morality and some pretty strong book smarts, too. Sometimes it seems my puzzling over Zeke and his behavior ripples out from his puzzling over the world. There is a lot going on in that head of his and we have plenty of evidence of that.

Zeke, apropos of nothing, shared with Aaron recently this tidbit. It seems a bit like a Buddhist koan to me, a koan being defined as a story or statement, the meaning of which cannot be understood by rational thought, yet may be accessible by intuition. Again, there was absolutely no context for this statement that Aaron could recognize.

"Daddy, a duck's mouth is also its nose."

Four months later

Little sunshine baby turned four months old this week. To celebrate, I took him to his fourth well baby visit at the pediatrician. (For the record, we no longer visit The Good Doctor who guided us through the first years of Z's life. I like the new doctor, but she doesn't quite have the same touch as The Good Doctor. I can't even think of a nickname for her thusly, but she is a less old fashioned and more sensitive to some of the concerns about my children's health. I miss him and the free parking for his office, but such are opportunity costs.)

Toby is now over 17 1/2 pounds, has an over 17 inch head and is 26 inches tall. That is about two pounds heavier than his last visit two months ago and about two inches taller. To match the rest of his round self, the doctor commented that he has a nice round head. Despite his large start, he actually is not at the very top of the growth chart, though pretty close.

He received two shots. In all fairness, Aaron and I are planning on getting the same shots: neither one of us has been vaccinated for tetanus or pertussis in our adult lives. Despite our pledge to get vaccinated, Toby was still displeased with his shots and was grumpy for the rest of the day.

Though not quite necessary, she commented on his drooling and the likelihood of his teething and she warned us that because of that and his recent trick of rolling (including rolling onto his stomach a few times) his sleep would probably be erratic. We were way ahead of her on this one, no medical degree necessary.

And, though she didn't comment on it, the visit reminded me that Toby's eye has gotten better. From the very start of his life, Toby's left eye has had tendency to get teary and sometimes a little crusty or yucky. Everyone has to have a flaw, right? At his two month well baby visit, the doctor confirmed that he likely had a narrow or blocked tear duct that we would continue to observe it. Most babies outgrow the condition, though some require a procedure requiring anesthesia. At four months, it has but cleared up and only is noticeable when he really has a good crying fit, no scary procedures necessary.

She knows that as with Zeke we will hold off on feeding anything solid until six months, but she gave me her recommendations for solids: skip cereal, start with orange veggies like squash or sweet potatoes and then onto green veggies. It won't be long before he is an eater!

Blogging

I've missed blogging. I got out of the habit and picked up new ones in the last year. Namely, boot camp, streaming tv shows from Netflix and FaceBook. Oh, and I had a baby somewhere in there, too. That took some free time, but just a little. Those aren't the worst habits to have, but I don't know that I will value having caught up on the last four seasons of Doctor Who and knowing what my friends are eating for dinner like I will value being able to look back and have my children's early lives recorded.

Sometimes I haven't written because I've been just trying to soak up every moment of Zeke and Toby's life. This month Zeke spent a week away from us with his grandmother in North Carolina, a big milestone. I thought I would spend some of the time that he was away catching up on my "to do" list, but I mainly just took a daily inventory of Toby's toes and finding his tickle spots. The time is just so fleeting. Toby seems to have grown almost an inch in just the past two weeks and the crazy thing is that it is entirely possible he has! I already miss the new newborn Toby was and the new four year old that Zeke was. It absolutely breaks my heart.

So, dear lonely, long ignored blog: I'm back.

Naps

We don't need any. Not when there is a brother to play with. Or chew on.

It's nice to meet you.

Today Toby met his great grandparents. He liked them quite a bit. The feeling seemed mutual.

Knock, knock

Special delivery for Zeke!

(Photos from a few weeks ago.)

(Wink!)

Toby's first bath

Photos from Toby's first bath in a tub.

(Funny enough, we have a similar photo of Zeke almost exactly 4 years to the day that we took the photos of Toby. You can see how similar/dissimilar the boys look. Mainly you can see that Toby is much larger at a month and a half than Zeke was at two and a half months!)

Like father, like son

We use a sling as a baby carrier. It's simple, portable and it's technically "Aaron's". However, it is like the Prius -- whoever has the baby gets to use it. So, even though the Prius replaced Aaron's car, I mainly drive it because I usually have the kids.Anyway, when we are all out and about, Aaron really loves to wear Toby in the sling and often points out that it is "his" sling. For example, a woman this weekend pointed out to her child that the baby was in a "mommy pouch" and Aaron made sure to note that it is his sling.

Zeke wanted in on the action and asked for a sling, so I fashioned one for him from a baby blanket. While he was not allowed to put the baby in it as he requested, Pig did get carried for a little while.

Brothers

Zeke has been doing really well as a big brother, though we have had some transition issues that came after the four week point. I guess that is when it became apparent that the baby wasn't going back where he came from.

The first issue is when Zeke had the irresistible urge to move the baby's head so that the baby could watch him. I am glad he wants to interact with Toby and I am glad that we will not have to be the only audience for Zeke's antics. However, four year olds don't always do things gently. I did have to put Zeke on "probation" for two days from any sort of touch without asking permission first. That mainly worked, but I did have an instance this week of walking in and seeing that Zeke had lifted Toby's head at least four inches from the floor while on his playmat at which point I start yelling at which point Zeke dropped Toby at which point Toby started screaming louder than me.

On a related note, there was a phase when Zeke really want to touch the baby's eyes. Then there was the phase when he kept trying to put his finger in Toby's mouth. I guess it was yet another unfortunate parenting decision that I let Zeke see the internet video about Charlie and his brother.

Of course, older siblings doing bodily and/or psychological harm to their new siblings is important fodder for the creation of important family stories in the future, so there is an upside to all of this. Aside from a story about my sister breaking my crayons*, the most common story to illustrate the early relationship between my sister and me is how she tried to pull an infant-sized me very far down in my Johnny Jump-up (a bouncer suspended in a doorframe) to see if she could get me to hit my head on the door frame.

The second issue is Zeke's behavior. I don't think his behavior is terribly outside the range of typical four year old behaviors from a pretty outgoing and silly boy. Still, we have witnessed a lot of testing limits and a lot of new and loud demands to "Look at me! Look at me!" I also imagine that it must be very difficult that there are so many new rules that he has to follow regarding just one other creature: when it comes to Maggie, the only rules are no touching with feet and no riding. When it comes to the cats, no chasing and no yelling. When it comes to me, the only rule is to LISTEN. So, here comes the baby and we are not to poke his eyes, touch his soft spot, roll on him, pick up and drop his head, force toys into his hand, sing loudly in Mommy and Daddy's room when the baby is sleeping there, forcefully rock the carseat and so forth and so on. That is just exhausting to keep up with that list and so I think Zeke wearies from it some.

He is also very sweet to Toby and obviously loves him very much. He is very eager for Toby to be a playmate and to interact with him. He was over the moon thrilled that we had a family bath last night and that he and Toby could take a bath together -- he told me that he would wash the baby and that I could leave the baby in the tub with him. He loves introducing Toby as his baby and his baby "brudder". He also has been persistent in his early desire to call Toby "Oylwuz" or however it is spelled. The whole spiel is usually, "This is my baby. His name is Oylwuz. Mommy calls him Toby." He loves to tell anyone and everyone things about his brother. Today when Toby was a little fussy after I woke him up from an afternoon nap so that we could get to a dance class, Zeke kept telling him, "It's okay, Toby. I'm your big brother and I love you."

* Short version: I was five, my sister fifteen or thereabouts. She had to vacuum. I was coloring. She was angry with me, so broke my crayons and sucked them up in the vacuum. As an extra cruel twist on top of taking away my crayons, she called to my mom to let her know that I was to blame for my crayons ending up in the vacuum and I got in trouble. My sister only admitted that she had done this about ten years later.

I told you he was super smiley!

It appears that someone thought that Zeke's joke was funny.

Baby bliss

I know I have lots of photos I need to post of Toby. I have lots of photos that I need to take of Toby, too! For example, I really need to get some pictures of his little mouth and curled feet before he is completely out of this newborn stage. Anyway, I may never be able to catch up, but here are some from last week that remind me of all his sweet baby-ness. Now if I could just capture how the top of that fuzzy head feels or how he smells!

A joke from Zeke

Zeke: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Zeke: Booger.
Me: Booger who?

(At this point, there is a thoughtful, maybe slightly confused pause. I think I took the joke beyond where the typical audience of four year old friends goes with it. "Booger" and "poop" are the height of sophisticated humor in that set.)

Zeke: Booger Ravenscraft. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

When I grow up

When I grow up, I should like nothing better than to be four years old.

Yes, four year olds have their ups and downs and their fair share of bumps in the road. Who wants the injustice of adults telling you what you can and cannot do all day? Why doesn't everyone know how much you can do by yourself? Why just yesterday, Zeke told Aaron, "Stop telling me what to do!" (And then some four year olds have it real rough -- their parents introduce a baby into the mix!)

But, there is such a joy to the life of a four year old that I am often jealous of Zeke. Last week, I made a big effort to do something fun with friends everyday. I haven't quite gotten the hang of how to be at home with both of them without ignoring a) Zeke, b) Toby or c) whatever it is that I need to get done in the house, so it is often easier to plan our day around an activity outside of the house. Zeke is on break from school, so we have a lot more days to plan out, too.

Anyway, one day we met two friends and their moms (and similarly brand new siblings!) at a free outdoor concert. We'd packed a picnic lunch with some to share. I loved watching Zeke as he and his friend ate the better part of a watermelon half. They had pink juice dripping everywhere, they put the rinds in their mouth to make exaggerated smiles, and they shared so easily. After -- with a few wipes later -- they had grabbed hands and were dancing and laughing and playing with some other kids they didn't know. One of those kids shared some bubbles and then they were off playing a new game of Chase the Bubbles, almost oblivious to the concert going on. I had a good time, but am still sure they were having a better time.

He also can talk to any stranger and tell them the story of his day, dance in the aisles of the grocery store, sing completely made up songs as well as adaptations of well known favorites and be completely open with his feelings. I love when I tell Zeke that Aaron bought some peaches at the farmers' market and he yells, "Yay! I love peaches!" He might get knocked down and cry, but then he is up again and completely forgiving of whoever/whatever caused the spill. He is friends with whoever will play with him. He will wear an eye patch and then have to be a pirate through lunch. If he wears his Batman shirt, he may be Batman the whole day.

Even when being four gets Zeke into trouble, I can't help but find some upside. At school, I could sometimes hear his teacher call his name even before I hit the door, but I am sometimes glad for it. He is so self-possessed as a four year old in a way that I am not always able to be as a thirty-something. I'm still trying to suss out all of the ingredients to this magic: innocence, fearlessness, and lack of awareness that we are not supposed to find happiness in so many simple things. (Well, a lack of regard for other people's -- namely mine -- authority!) I may never be four again, but I am so happy to get to share time with this four year old.

All about Toby

Toby is now six weeks old. Ah, that is just a little heartbreaking to say, as he has already leaving that precious newborn phase. Just tonight (during his first bath in the tub), we noticed that he is already losing that fuzzy feel to his head -- now he is a baby with hair. Oh, but what a baby!

Any guesses to his weight? I weighed him yesterday and he was 14 pounds, exactly three pounds heavier than exactly six weeks before. I still am astonished by his size. Sometimes I forget, but it certainly comes back when a friend blogs about how her daughter was 14 pounds at her recent 9 month old appointment. I am also constantly reminded by strangers whose first comments are always about his size. For future reference, if you see a big baby, please lead in with "Congratulations on your beautiful baby" and then start in on size. Or, if you must start with size, go for "Ooooh, I just love the big squishy cheeks on big babies."

He is still a very laidback baby...at least compared to Zeke. Case in point: this one lets you know when he wants to go to sleep. In response, I change his diaper, swaddle him up, put him in the cosleeper and kiss him goodnight. With Zeke it was nursing, swaddling, giving a pacifier, rocking, making shooshing sounds and playing ocean sounds loudly. It was a big routine that took time and luck if you wanted it to work. This one, you just put in him bed. Frankly, it is a little confusing to me.

Luckily he is a laidback boy because I force him to adapt a lot. He goes with me everywhere and has been to a lot of places in six weeks. Again, this is a real difference in comparison to Zeke. With Zeke, I made it out of the house a handful of times in the 8 weeks after he was born. Toby went to his first movie and symphony concert when he was three weeks old (Zeke was 3 1/2 for his first movie), visited tons of parks and kid friendly places, been in a restaurant more times than I should recount, and been to at least three childrens' birthday parties! We also left both the boys with our favorite babysitter, when Toby was 3 weeks old. I bought the tickets to a Van Morrison concert before he was born thinking that he would be at least a few weeks older, but no we went past our due date and he was a day shy of being 3 weeks. Zeke? It was at least a year before I left him with someone that wasn't family.

The poor thing, though, is definitely suffering the curse of the second child. It takes me much much longer to respond to his crying, because he inevitably needs me just as something in the kitchen needs my attention or as Zeke needs me. I guess I have a thicker skin for it now.

In addition to generally being a low maintenance baby, he is also pretty sweet and started smiling at 4 weeks. Lovely, lovely. He is also a very strong baby. He has very good head and neck control and pushes to stand, if you are holding him upright. Since two weeks, he has also been able to roll to his side. It is not intentional and does not seem to please him much, but he does seem to get some momentum going.

He sleeps pretty well for a newborn and generally will sleep for long stretches at night, waking up to nurse somewhere around 3 and 7 AM. Still, it can be tiring, because when he is awake he does prefer to be carried and rest high on my left shoulder. Between how he likes to be carried and his size, it is a backache in the making. I find myself wanting to get into the chiropractor a lot more these days. I'm trying to use a wrap to carry him comfortably in that position, but I haven't gotten into using it since it is more complicated than the sling and the onset of the Atlanta summer makes it seem less enticing to wrap yourself in a couple yards of fabric. Nursing has been pretty simple this time around and a lot easier to do on the go. He does seem to have a sixth sense for knowing when I am just about to eat, as those are the times that he wants to eat. He also wants to nurse quite a bit. Again, this seems attributable to his size and that he takes smaller "meals".

In general, Toby is doing really great and is a perfect addition to the family! We couldn't have asked for better.

Almost two weeks in

My Babykins (aka Butterbean, aka Toby) is almost two weeks old and he is proof to the truism that the second baby is easier. He is SO much easier than Zeke was. Honestly, I wish we could just start with the second baby. No colic, no apparent dairy intolerance, no nursing issues, no repeated trips to the pediatrician to check weight. Whew.

Of course, we are much more qualified as parents than we were before having BTDT. Before Zeke, I had never changed a little boy's diaper. A few thousand diaper changes later, we are a little more experienced. We're also a little more casual and less likely to startle. For example, I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to chart Toby's first few weeks by feed times, diaper changes and sleep schedules per the demand of doctors. I think I still have in Zeke's things, some notebook paper showing when he nursed from which breast, for how long and what his diaper was like after. Blegh. That made me crazy. It helped also that Toby was born at home. I just heard about a local hospital that won't let jaundiced babies be released home until their bilirubin count is under 9. (A high or dangerous count is 20, I believe.) Toby did have some jaundice which the pediatrician tested at 15 at its highest. It wasn't serious and continued to decrease everyday and just was something that we could monitor at home, but apparently not all hospitals would have allowed us to do that. It also helped, I think, that I did not have another c-section. While I do not regret having that surgery one bit, I do think it posed a lot of complications for Zeke in those first days and did make that transition to motherhood more of a challenge for me. I really do not remember a lot of those early days of Zeke's life, because I just felt so tired and overwhelmed and ill-equipped. For the record, Aaron has better and more memories of Zeke's newborn days, but again that may have to do with the surgery. This is not any reflection of Zeke, though, or my love for him -- he was and still is too much sweetness to resist and to not love absolutely. It's not his fault that he was the first baby!

I'm glad we decided to have a second baby, though, if only so I can have the chance to appreciate those first few newborn days that I may have missed or forgotten with Zeke. Really, it is wonderful. Babykins is a snuggly little thing who loves to sleep on your chest and make little animal sounds. His fuzzy head begs that you just rub your cheek across that head. He also inspires the best reactions from others. For example, Zeke loves to say in a sing-song voice, "I see your little toes! I see your little toes!" Oh, too much sweetness.

• I forgot how a newborn cry can sound like "La - la - la - la" albeit a little high pitched and panicked sounding.
• Zeke seems to be adjusting really well. He is always concerned for Toby and thinking about him. Tonight he gave me one of his blankets to give to Toby, he spends time thinking about what toys Toby should have, and he LOVES to tell other people that Toby is his baby. Not his baby brother, but his baby. We did have one instance where he wasn't that gentle touching Toby and where he wanted to touch Toby's eye, but that was pretty short lived. Like me, he likes touching Toby's head and giving him kisses. Zeke seems relatively casual about the attention that Toby gets and about the amount of time that I have been giving him. He does seem to occasionally be testing his caregivers, but that seems easily attributable to the fact that he is four and a four year old whose routines have been interrupted pretty often of late. He did try to force me to nurse one of his teddy bears once when I was nursing Toby, but I found a mama teddy bear to help with that request.
• I am trying to remember to take it easy and have sworn off vacuuming, laundry and cooking that doesn't involve microwaving something from the freezer. I do feel a lot better recovering from a natural birth than recovering from c-section, but it was not an altogether simple thing to give birth to such a large baby and I am trying not to overdo it. I have to remember that I am recovering. It is frustrating in some ways and I feel that I must be overwhelming Aaron who has taken on so much responsibility in caring for Zeke and for the house, both now and in the few weeks before Toby was born. I've also been following the advice that I was given when Zeke was born and completely ignored -- sleep when the baby sleeps. I've sent Zeke to school everyday this week (he normally goes three times a week) and while he is gone, my routine is to eat breakfast, check email and then take a nap with Toby. The house is buried under piles of laundry and drifts of pet fur, but -- darnnit -- I'm having a good time bonding with Babykins, counting his toes, nuzzling his fuzzy head and whatnot. That's a pretty big commitment of time right there.
• Aaron went back to work this week for a few days so I had my chance to get Zeke ready for school and then everyone out the door and to school by myself. Needless to say, I think I can reliably say that Zeke will not be on time for school for the rest of the school year. All three weeks of it.
• When babies are born premature, for a time you can subtract the number of weeks premature they were from their actual age to estimate their appropriate developmental age. I wonder if there might not be something equivalent to determine the developmental age of a baby born after their due date. (Toby was born at 41 weeks and 2 days according the due date I believe in. He was past 42 weeks, if you were to believe the doctors' estimated due dates.) Anyway, Toby is such a big strong baby and I find myself in wonder of him. Less than two weeks old and he is already holding his head up for good periods of time. An acquaintance who had babies that were large and postdate tells me that her babies hit developmental milestones in the first few months faster than she expected.
• When Toby was first born, we think he had a very strong resemblance to Zeke as a newborn. However, now he is starting to look a little more himself. We think that it might be that Toby will look more like Aaron at first and have lighter hair, eye and skin coloring than Zeke. I'm curious to see how it turns out. Oh, and no Mongolian spots (ie "blue butt") on Toby, while Zeke still has his.

Pictures to follow soon.

And Baby Makes Four: Introducing Toby

Meet our new bundle of joy, Toby. Born yesterday at home. Weighing an astounding 11 lbs. (No, really, 11 lbs. I'm in a state of continual shock about this.) Greatly loved by all, especially the original Sprout.

Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of cheesy Valentine's Day and 10 years of marriage and all of the things for which I am so grateful in my little life, Aaron and I renewed our wedding vows. I should say rather, that today Aaron completely indulged my wish to renew our vows! Below is the article from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that explains a lot of the particulars of where and how. I've always told Aaron that I thought we should get married again, but he requested that it be without an audience or much pomp or circumstance. I at least obliged on that request. Here are the details not included in the short story.

The day was fun to get ready for, even though it didn't take much preparation or money. I might have splurged on getting a pedicure and a haircut, but otherwise, I wore a $10 white "special occasion" maternity dress from target.com with a red sweater (also from Target) and the jewelry I wore at our first wedding. (Also, my little "secret" -- maternity Spanx. No, really, maternity Spanx. They cost more than the dress, though I guess most things do. It's a crazy world we live in.) Aaron wore the exact same suit from our wedding, though with a different shirt and one of the ties that he wears once or twice a year. If it weren't for my being a gazillion months pregnant, I might have opted for a GIANT princess gown off the rack from David's Bridal, maybe with a tiara, because that was not something I opted for before, but I figured I would be large and obvious enough with a GIANT belly instead.

In typical fashion, we barely made it there on time. Of course, we left in plenty of time, but TWICE missed the turn off for the midtown mansion and got there at the exact moment when we were supposed to start, 12:45 PM. I think the coordinator really thought we weren't coming! So, once we got in there, we rushed right in, I went upstairs, walked down the grand staircase really willing myself to not fall to the strains of a harp playing the wedding march, met Aaron at front, let Zeke take some pictures and we made a bunch of promises that we've already made. Zeke was interested, but mainly in taking pictures and getting into the bag of candy that the hostesses gave him when we came in. The ceremony part of the day probably took less than 10 minutes! Afterwards, we skipped out on the champagne toast, but instead had a cupcake toast and they let Zeke have one as well. He left huge chunks of frosting and crumbs on the floor of the "reception" area, but the historic mansion has probably survived worse than a three year old with a chocolate cupcake. A photographer took some staged portraits that might be worth buying, but we were also photographed and interviewed by the local newspaper. The reporter said she really loved us, but I think it is because we were one of the very few vow renewals for the day and because I think she thought Zeke was cute. (She said that she felt he should be a model for GapKids.) Next year, I bet the paper shoots for the commitment ceremony aspect.

They shooed us right out because the ceremonies kept going and we were leaving so fast that I hit the door before I remembered I didn't have my purse or coat. Afterwards, we had a special brunch to continue the theme of "Cheesy Special Occasions" and went to the Sundial Restaurant at the top of the Westin Hotel downtown. This time we did manage not to miss any turns in our own town and got there in plenty of time. Home we came, where I finished my gift to Aaron, a cherry pie, and we hosted our 3 year old neighbor-friend for the rest of day so that his parents could go out and celebrate. By early evening, we were already getting calls about our photos being in the online paper.

Zeke seemed to really enjoy Valentine's Day, in general, largely because it started last week with a classroom party and because lots of candy and cupcakes seem involved, but he also seemed to enjoy today. One of the interesting side stories about this is that I have been telling him for the past few days that he was going to see Mommy and Daddy get married again and then we would go for a special meal. One time, he said we were going to eat rice after we got married. As with a lot of things these days, I said, "Sure, okay" without really having a clue of why he was saying something. Then today as we getting ready, he said we have to eat the food that falls from the sky when we get married. We had no idea what that was about, especially because we had not connected it with the previous comment about rice. He goes on and on about food falling from the sky when people get married and then it finally occurred to us that he has some cultural knowledge from an unknown source that people throw (or used to throw rice) at weddings. At first we were thinking it had to be from a movie, but now I'm beginning to think that it comes from my talking to him very briefly about a small picture on the title page of Knuffle Bunny that shows the main character's parents leaving a church after being married with people throwing rice. It seems I am perpetually underestimating what makes an impression on this kid.

So, it was an extravagant gesture that was quick and sentimental, but I'm really happy about our vow renewal. I guess it feels a little like we've got the extended warranty for another ten years of marriage, even though it was never really needed. What I really meant to tell the reporter (though she appeared fine smoothing over my original quote) was that I wanted to do this because it seems like such a good time to celebrate where we have been and where we are going and all the things that have happened in between, including Zeke and baby brother-to-be. How grateful we are, how lucky we are. Here's to our first ten years of marriage! Here's to children and happy marriages! Here's to cheesy Valentine's Day!

We made the news today!

At Rhodes Hall, Cupid was on the clock

A few months ago, Ashley Hardaway and Clarence Lammie Jr. sat down to brainstorm their Valentine's Day plans.

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Elissa Eubanks, eeubanks@ajc.comJamie Ravenscraft bends down to talk with her son, Zeke, 3, after renewing her vows with his father Aaron Cobb on Valentines Day at Rhodes Hall in Atlanta, Ga.The couple got married in North Carolina 10 years ago and wanted to renew their vows after reading about Cupid at the Castle last year. They are just one of 25 weddings ceremonies that are being performed today at Rhodes Hall at 15 minute intervals.

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Elissa Eubanks, eeubanks@ajc.comSonnia Nunez places a wedding ring on her husband-to-be Noel Khalil at Rhodes Hall on Valentines Day in Atlanta, Ga. Sonnia is from Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic and she met Noel online two and a half years ago.

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Elissa Eubanks, eeubanks@ajc.comFrom left, newly married Ashley Hardaway Lammie and Clarence Lammie pose for photos after their wedding ceremony on Valentines Day at Rhodes Hall in Atlanta, Ga. The couple met last March and got engaged a few months ago after Ashley jokingly suggested it.

Dinner? Dancing?

Or, as 28-year-old Hardaway laughingly offered, how about getting married?

It took her easy-going boyfriend, 33, only a second to think about it: Yes.

The two, who began dating last March, were among 25 couples who got hitched on Valentine's Day during Rhodes Hall's Cupid At the Castleevent. Now in its second year, the event lets a loving duo pay $200 to exchange life's most important vows, stand for photography, toast with champagne and nosh on cupcakes -- all in 15 minutes.

"I really didn't expect to be getting married today," said still-in-shock Hardaway, who wore a stylish ivory cocktail dress and bejeweled heels. "But he's an laid-back guy. He never says no."

With a dozen or so in the audience, the attractive Jonesboro couple were married -- in six minutes -- by the father of the groom, Clarence Lammie.

"I don't think she expected me to say yes, but I was all in it from the start," said Lammie Jr., a self-proclaimed electronics junkie. "Plus, she said I could get an iPad."

The ceremonies kicked off at noon when Atlantan Noel Khalil married his bride, Sonnia, who recently moved here from the Dominican Republic after two and a half years of courtship. The couple purchased two time slots for their wedding, attended by dozens of family and friends.

Khalil, 59, said he was drawn to Rhodes Hall because of its romantic nature, not to mention the obvious ease of getting married on Valentine's Day.

"I can't forget the anniversary this way," Khalil said, beaming as he watched his bride stand for photos. "And I can get one gift for two special days."

Most of the whirlwind ceremonies were officiated by Chaplain Jeremiah O'Keefe-West, a good-natured Irishman quick with a joke. As the various couples exchanged vows, O'Keefe-West asked: "Is this your final answer?"

Some of the weddings were filled with nervous, happy tears of new brides and bridegrooms, while others were sentimental renewals of pledges.

Atlantans Aaron Cobb and Jamie Ravenscraft were married 10 years ago in North Carolina and decided to celebrate their decade together by renewing their vows Sunday.

The only audience for the eight-minute ceremony was the couple's 3-year-old son, Zeke, who played with a toy camera as his parents recited their commitment.

Ravenscraft, due to deliver their second son in April, said she had wanted to renew their vows since learning about Cupid at the Castle last year.

"It just seemed like a really good time to remember happy memories," she said.

Zeke, by Zeke

A recent self-portrait of Zeke on a birthday card to Aaron's mom. The lines through the eyes represent glasses and there are very faint eyebrows, though they ran into his hair line. He insisted on both of these details. Coming off of his head he has giant ears and Zeke seemed to regret adding the ears on and then made them into part of a giant bubble around himself. The head size seems pretty spot-on, as does the silly smile.

First day of school...again

Today was a great day. One of the things that made me absolutely break out in a smile was that Zeke had his first day of school today. And, he was happy about it!

This is quite the reversal from where we were a month ago. (Did I mention I found 2009 a difficult year? Even -- nay, especially -- in its last month?) We withdrew him from his last preschool at Christmas break and he had been at home with me in January. The story of why is a long one and not particularly a lot of fun to tell. Years from now, we may laugh or just shake our heads remembering it, we may be grateful for the experience. A short version of it is that in our second parent teacher conference of the year, the teachers said they felt that Zeke has "sensory issues" and should be evaluated by an occupational therapist for sensory processing disorder. We got this news, as did at least 8 other families in 4 classes of 3 and 4 year olds or about 40 children. It was not handled compassionately or intelligently by the teachers or school director. I am a staunch believer in early intervention and an advocate for the value of teacher observations. However, the situation was farcical, the presentation unprofessional and their observations lacked the force to support their diagnosis. If these educators had worked with me in my previous professional life, I would have reported them. If they worked for me, I would have retrained them and reprimanded them. What happened seemed to be the epitome of a sort of modern treatment of children in our culture that no longer lets us see some children as more than the sum of their developmental labels, their food allergies, their enrichment activities, their preschool achievements. There is so much to share about this outrageous story, but I will keep it simple and say: the school was not the right place for our family.

While I do not believe that Zeke has sensory issues any more than any other 3 year old, it did make me revisit the topic of the October meeting regarding their observations about Zeke's imaginative and associative play, possible cognitive issues. It also caused me to question Zeke's overall development and if he really is at the place he should be at, including some of his social skills, expressive language, and even motor skills. It also made me question whether some of his gifts -- being a fantastic reader, not being terribly mischievous, for example -- were really gifts when they in fact were symptoms. I got onto what I call a "hamster wheel of compulsion" where I could not stop thinking about Zeke being delayed, what labels might fit, what we should do, where he should go to school, why he might be different. I interviewed various specialists and set up appointments, rejiggered Zeke's health insurance and spent way too much time on the internet -- the internet where every malady you have probably means you have cancer and every flaw your child has means they are autistic. I learned all the diagnostic criteria for hyperlexia, sensory processing disorder, Pervasive Developmental Delay and Asperger's. I found a lot of worried parents' blogs about their neuro-atypical kids. I spent hours talking to friends who were kind and generous in sharing. I lost sleep. I got angry at Zeke sometimes. I probably drove Aaron nuts.

But, then, it got better. At home with me and away from school, I saw a Zeke that I have always seen. Sweet natured, gifted in some ways, a little quirky in others. We spent a lot of time with other children and I saw that Zeke was pretty on par developmentally with them and that those children had their fair share of quirks and that their moms had their fair share of irrational worries. I saw some of those developmental leaps we see about every six months. I started thinking about what my own advice would be (and has been) when a friend tells me they are worried about their child: take three months, watch, maybe take another 3 months and, then if you are still worried, evaluate. I cancelled the evaluations. I enrolled Zeke in the school he went to when he was 18 months and I moved on.

Yet, I still worried about how Zeke would move on. In looking back over what I have written about his most recent school, I see there were a lot of times when he had a hard time getting into the routine there. I see now there may have been a reason for that. Regardless of that, he really loves his friends there and the time to play with them. I valued that he had a reliable routine. I didn't want to put him through a transition like moving to another school right before the biggest transition of his life -- the addition of Butterbean.

I tried to prepare him. We made use of the mom's morning out program run by his old school, we got together to play with old friends from the school, and I asked him if he would go to school with one of his old classmates, our neighbor and his favorite girl, Divine Miss M. Then he got sick with a yucky stomach bug and had to stay at home for a week, depriving him of his favorite thing of playing with other kids. So, today he was all revved up to go, ready to escape being at home with me. I expected some trepidation, some worry from my sometimes sensitive kid. Wrong, Mom!

Zeke walked in the room, said "Good morning" enthusiastically to his teachers, sat down at a table and started playing with Play-Doh. When I left, I peeked in and he was singing while playing. Laughing. Even dancing in his seat a little. Perfectly Zeke.

It felt good to see that, really good. I went home happy. After school, I bought him a cup of strawberry ice cream. He gave me a picture he drew at school and we hung it on the refrigerator. Everyone loved the first day of school, even if it was in the middle of the school year.

Hold on, sudden changes ahead

2009 was not a great year for me of parenting for me. And, three has not been an easy age for Zeke. We have had some rocky moments in the past year. Part of it was seeing so many changes in Zeke that were/are difficult to parent through. And, not knowing what is going to change suddenly and leave you and your once happy child absolutely frustrated is challenging to say the least. I haven't always navigated this cooly and it's possible I have had as many tantrums as Zeke has, if I am really honest.

One of the changes that was difficult is that our perfectly flexible and great eating two year old a few months ago turned into your stereotypical picky preschooler. So, one day he is happy eating sauteed greens and ethnic food. Yum, yum, more quinoa and 16 bean curry stew with sprouts, please! Then without warning he only wants (veggie) bologna, (veggie) chicken nuggets, yogurt and pasta and will not touch anything that is a vegetable or with a sauce other than marinara. Mostly, we have just ignored this and not offered him any special meals. We figure he is a healthy weight and will eat when he is hungry. It is usually only an issue at dinner and usually not much of a power struggle, just a frustration. The one healthy constant has been that Zeke is always willing to eat fruit and fruit in any form. He did, however, give up some of his regular choices. Bananas, for example, have been exiled from his diet for at least four months.

Yesterday, he wakes up and is chatting with me. Out of the absolute clear blue with no prompting, he says, "Now I will eat bananas." You know what? Now he eats bananas. We went to the store that day. I asked him to pick out some bananas. He did. Today he peeled and ate the first banana in four months.

Second time around: pregnancy update

Hello, folks. Recently, I have received some good natured ribbing that a) our camera is broken b) we have given up taken pictures of Zeke and/or c) that we are already suffering from Second Child Syndrome. You know, SCS, the condition wherein there are voluminous amounts of documentation of the first child's every hiccup and a hundred keepsake boxes and plaster handprints of the first child, but only a half empty shoebox for the second child that holds all of the parents' keepsakes through high school graduation. Years later, the innocent victims of SCS ask their moms with tears in their eyes, "But where did you put my handprints?" and the guilty moms make up a lie that the precious artifacts got broken in a move or worse try to pass off some of the first childs' keepsakes as the seconds'. I have seen this firsthand before. Fess up, Moms: both Aaron and I suffered some from SCS. I won't go to the depths of it, but I think we are going to be okay for Butterbean...once he gets here.

Besides, while it is a tradeoff that I haven't documented this pregnancy as in depth as I did the last, I also haven't spent nearly as much time obsessing over diaper pails or the nursery or any other piece of baby gear. I have not once consulted our dusty copy of What to Expect When You Are Expecting, the book I bought the day after I found out I was pregnant with Zeke. I haven't taken weeks of classes or visited baby stores. It's refreshing in many ways.

Still, here are the highlights: I'm now about 30 weeks in. In the past two weeks, I've suddenly become very pregnant looking. I'm starting to look and feel more like I did last time. I feel darker in color, my legs are looking much more solid, I'm starting to move very differently. As many of my mom friends warned me, this pregnancy has gone by very quickly in some ways.

As I mentioned in one of my last posts, Zeke has really warmed up in the past few months to being a big brother. The light bulb moment was when he realized that the baby would sit in the backseat of the car with him or in a shopping cart. He is excited to share a room with the baby. When I replaced his carseat (after being pulled over by a representative of the Governor's Office of Highway Safety!), Zeke said Baby Brother could sit in the old one. When went for pictures with Santa Claus, Zeke said Baby Brother could come next year. Yes, darling, all true. Zeke can be so sociable and friendly that I think the idea of having someone to be with all the time seems like a great idea to him...for now. Oh, and we have tried to give Zeke some sense of when the baby is coming by telling him that it will be after his next birthday. Zeke asked me, "Can Baby Brother come out of your belly at my birthday party?" No, honey, not suitable children's entertainment.

I wonder how they will get along. From the beginning of this pregnancy, I have predicted that this baby will be much more fiery and active than Zeke who for the most part is laid back, doesn't seek trouble and is my little shadow and agreeable pal. I hope they will be compatible, though different, and bring out some balance in our family. I base my prediction on this baby's movements. This baby has been very active and moving from early on and moves much more than Zeke did. For most of the second trimester, it seemed you could see Butterbean moving around and making my belly move. I also get a lot more body checks to my hips and this week to my ribs -- some of it hurts, too! Sometimes I just have to pause with as much as he moves around. I tell Aaron I get a little motion sick sometimes, not like I was on a roller coaster, but like I had a roller coaster in me.

I try to take more time to appreciate the movements of this growing baby and now that I have done this once, I think it helps me bond with this baby more. Before with Zeke, the idea of a baby -- let alone a moving, kicking, squirming baby -- was so abstract. This time, I am able to visualize more that I am holding my baby and what the baby will be like. Even when I do get one of those thumps to my hips or to my ribs, I try to take a moment to appreciate it since I do not plan on being pregnant again.

I do take all this activity as a positive sign, as I think that by this time with Zeke, he was already breech and not able to move vertex or even able to move as much. From the very beginning of this pregnancy, I have been under chiropractic care to keep my pelvis aligned and more open and I have tried to have better posture and move more than the first time. If I had one fear about this upcoming birth it is that there was some hidden anatomical reason why Zeke was breech and that this one will be breech, too. Chances are that if I do even have any complications that they will not be about Butterbean being breech. As I am always saying, my journey in parenthood and pregnancy has been nothing if not a lesson in letting go of having to be in control because there are just too many unexpected twists and turns. It would just be too predictable to expect that a complication in the first pregnancy would occur again.

This isn't the only difference. There are a lot of differences.

* I can't say that I am watching my diet as much as I did last time when I counted grams of protein and sugar. I've been lax and I think that might have contributed some to my early exhaustion. (I was eventually tested and found to be mildly anemic.) However, I was certainly more active in the first two trimesters, working out at my fitness camp four days a week and then going to yoga for a fifth day. Up through month six, I was still out there every morning, running and doing push ups and sit ups. In November, I even ran a 5k, though my arches were getting a little flexible and caused some soreness. Since December I have slowed down greatly, but it still seems to have changed my body type and metabolism. Even though I probably am not eating in as conscientious a manner, I have gained only a third of the weight I did last time and gained almost no weight in the first trimester.

* Also, diet and laziness related. For the first time in fifteen years, I have started eating meat other than fish. I just needed more protein and was finding that I was too tired to plan meals around my protein needs. I also have not been very interested in eating my regular sources of protein: dairy, eggs, fish. So, while I have started to eat more of those, a few times a week, I might also eat some chicken or turkey. I don't think that I will ever choose to go back to beef and I definitely don't want to eat pork again, but I don't have the same hang ups about chickens and turkeys. I still cannot seem to eat anything off of a bone, though, and I don't like eating chunks of meat. Thus, I bought a chicken salad sandwich with chunks and couldn't eat it, but I have enjoyed some grilled turkey sandwiches. I'm feeling okay with it, though I usually feel a little guilty eating meat in front of Aaron. I try to purchase chicken or turkey that is supposedly free of additives and is sustainably and humanely raised. I don't know if I am succeeding in those measures, but overall don't feel like I've committed a serious violation of personal ethics. I don't know if I will keep this up after Butterbean is here and nursing.

* We don't have a name yet. Last time we had a name early in the second trimester and just kept it secret. This time people assume the same, but we still don't have a name that we agree upon. Like with Zeke, we are mainly considering family names, but just haven't found something that sings to us yet. This would have been one advantage to having a girl as we had a lot of ideas for that name.

* In some ways, I am working hard to be prepared for this birth, not so much in other ways. Last time we took 13 weeks of classes. This time, no classes yet and we maybe will take a one day refresher class. I haven't drawn up a birth plan, but instead have focused on having a team of labor support and care providers who can help me and who we trust. We have hired a doula, for example. I haven't really even read much of anything, but have started reading positive birth stories and I keep active on a message board of mostly women who have had c-sections before.

* And, we are going for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) which was of course something we didn't have to deal with last time. Let me tell you that in this day and age, it is not easy to find care providers who will help you VBAC. It's crazy the way that c-sections have become such a dominant form of delivery and that most moms will have to really go against the stream to VBAC, but you don't want to get me started on that right now. I don't have any regrets about having to have a c-section last time, but I am not willingly going to have major surgery again.

* Since last fall, I have been going through a lot of nesting, but most of it has not focused on a nursery or cleaning my very own version of the House of Usher. Most of it has focused on home matters. In a short period of time, we had some trees removed from the yard, planted more, had some repair work done outside to the fence and deck, replaced carpeting with hardwood floors and now we are repainting the master bedroom and completely renovating the master bath. I'm a wee bit concerned that I haven't gotten started on the project of switching Zeke's room with Aaron's office (the slightly bigger and better temperature controlled room) and making Zeke's room the "Boys' Room." However, that and most of my other nesting projects will have to wait until the renovation project is over and we can get back in the master suite.

Let's see: is that enough documentation for now? Check. More updates to follow soon, friends and readers and second children everywhere!