Second time around: pregnancy update

Hello, folks. Recently, I have received some good natured ribbing that a) our camera is broken b) we have given up taken pictures of Zeke and/or c) that we are already suffering from Second Child Syndrome. You know, SCS, the condition wherein there are voluminous amounts of documentation of the first child's every hiccup and a hundred keepsake boxes and plaster handprints of the first child, but only a half empty shoebox for the second child that holds all of the parents' keepsakes through high school graduation. Years later, the innocent victims of SCS ask their moms with tears in their eyes, "But where did you put my handprints?" and the guilty moms make up a lie that the precious artifacts got broken in a move or worse try to pass off some of the first childs' keepsakes as the seconds'. I have seen this firsthand before. Fess up, Moms: both Aaron and I suffered some from SCS. I won't go to the depths of it, but I think we are going to be okay for Butterbean...once he gets here.

Besides, while it is a tradeoff that I haven't documented this pregnancy as in depth as I did the last, I also haven't spent nearly as much time obsessing over diaper pails or the nursery or any other piece of baby gear. I have not once consulted our dusty copy of What to Expect When You Are Expecting, the book I bought the day after I found out I was pregnant with Zeke. I haven't taken weeks of classes or visited baby stores. It's refreshing in many ways.

Still, here are the highlights: I'm now about 30 weeks in. In the past two weeks, I've suddenly become very pregnant looking. I'm starting to look and feel more like I did last time. I feel darker in color, my legs are looking much more solid, I'm starting to move very differently. As many of my mom friends warned me, this pregnancy has gone by very quickly in some ways.

As I mentioned in one of my last posts, Zeke has really warmed up in the past few months to being a big brother. The light bulb moment was when he realized that the baby would sit in the backseat of the car with him or in a shopping cart. He is excited to share a room with the baby. When I replaced his carseat (after being pulled over by a representative of the Governor's Office of Highway Safety!), Zeke said Baby Brother could sit in the old one. When went for pictures with Santa Claus, Zeke said Baby Brother could come next year. Yes, darling, all true. Zeke can be so sociable and friendly that I think the idea of having someone to be with all the time seems like a great idea to him...for now. Oh, and we have tried to give Zeke some sense of when the baby is coming by telling him that it will be after his next birthday. Zeke asked me, "Can Baby Brother come out of your belly at my birthday party?" No, honey, not suitable children's entertainment.

I wonder how they will get along. From the beginning of this pregnancy, I have predicted that this baby will be much more fiery and active than Zeke who for the most part is laid back, doesn't seek trouble and is my little shadow and agreeable pal. I hope they will be compatible, though different, and bring out some balance in our family. I base my prediction on this baby's movements. This baby has been very active and moving from early on and moves much more than Zeke did. For most of the second trimester, it seemed you could see Butterbean moving around and making my belly move. I also get a lot more body checks to my hips and this week to my ribs -- some of it hurts, too! Sometimes I just have to pause with as much as he moves around. I tell Aaron I get a little motion sick sometimes, not like I was on a roller coaster, but like I had a roller coaster in me.

I try to take more time to appreciate the movements of this growing baby and now that I have done this once, I think it helps me bond with this baby more. Before with Zeke, the idea of a baby -- let alone a moving, kicking, squirming baby -- was so abstract. This time, I am able to visualize more that I am holding my baby and what the baby will be like. Even when I do get one of those thumps to my hips or to my ribs, I try to take a moment to appreciate it since I do not plan on being pregnant again.

I do take all this activity as a positive sign, as I think that by this time with Zeke, he was already breech and not able to move vertex or even able to move as much. From the very beginning of this pregnancy, I have been under chiropractic care to keep my pelvis aligned and more open and I have tried to have better posture and move more than the first time. If I had one fear about this upcoming birth it is that there was some hidden anatomical reason why Zeke was breech and that this one will be breech, too. Chances are that if I do even have any complications that they will not be about Butterbean being breech. As I am always saying, my journey in parenthood and pregnancy has been nothing if not a lesson in letting go of having to be in control because there are just too many unexpected twists and turns. It would just be too predictable to expect that a complication in the first pregnancy would occur again.

This isn't the only difference. There are a lot of differences.

* I can't say that I am watching my diet as much as I did last time when I counted grams of protein and sugar. I've been lax and I think that might have contributed some to my early exhaustion. (I was eventually tested and found to be mildly anemic.) However, I was certainly more active in the first two trimesters, working out at my fitness camp four days a week and then going to yoga for a fifth day. Up through month six, I was still out there every morning, running and doing push ups and sit ups. In November, I even ran a 5k, though my arches were getting a little flexible and caused some soreness. Since December I have slowed down greatly, but it still seems to have changed my body type and metabolism. Even though I probably am not eating in as conscientious a manner, I have gained only a third of the weight I did last time and gained almost no weight in the first trimester.

* Also, diet and laziness related. For the first time in fifteen years, I have started eating meat other than fish. I just needed more protein and was finding that I was too tired to plan meals around my protein needs. I also have not been very interested in eating my regular sources of protein: dairy, eggs, fish. So, while I have started to eat more of those, a few times a week, I might also eat some chicken or turkey. I don't think that I will ever choose to go back to beef and I definitely don't want to eat pork again, but I don't have the same hang ups about chickens and turkeys. I still cannot seem to eat anything off of a bone, though, and I don't like eating chunks of meat. Thus, I bought a chicken salad sandwich with chunks and couldn't eat it, but I have enjoyed some grilled turkey sandwiches. I'm feeling okay with it, though I usually feel a little guilty eating meat in front of Aaron. I try to purchase chicken or turkey that is supposedly free of additives and is sustainably and humanely raised. I don't know if I am succeeding in those measures, but overall don't feel like I've committed a serious violation of personal ethics. I don't know if I will keep this up after Butterbean is here and nursing.

* We don't have a name yet. Last time we had a name early in the second trimester and just kept it secret. This time people assume the same, but we still don't have a name that we agree upon. Like with Zeke, we are mainly considering family names, but just haven't found something that sings to us yet. This would have been one advantage to having a girl as we had a lot of ideas for that name.

* In some ways, I am working hard to be prepared for this birth, not so much in other ways. Last time we took 13 weeks of classes. This time, no classes yet and we maybe will take a one day refresher class. I haven't drawn up a birth plan, but instead have focused on having a team of labor support and care providers who can help me and who we trust. We have hired a doula, for example. I haven't really even read much of anything, but have started reading positive birth stories and I keep active on a message board of mostly women who have had c-sections before.

* And, we are going for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) which was of course something we didn't have to deal with last time. Let me tell you that in this day and age, it is not easy to find care providers who will help you VBAC. It's crazy the way that c-sections have become such a dominant form of delivery and that most moms will have to really go against the stream to VBAC, but you don't want to get me started on that right now. I don't have any regrets about having to have a c-section last time, but I am not willingly going to have major surgery again.

* Since last fall, I have been going through a lot of nesting, but most of it has not focused on a nursery or cleaning my very own version of the House of Usher. Most of it has focused on home matters. In a short period of time, we had some trees removed from the yard, planted more, had some repair work done outside to the fence and deck, replaced carpeting with hardwood floors and now we are repainting the master bedroom and completely renovating the master bath. I'm a wee bit concerned that I haven't gotten started on the project of switching Zeke's room with Aaron's office (the slightly bigger and better temperature controlled room) and making Zeke's room the "Boys' Room." However, that and most of my other nesting projects will have to wait until the renovation project is over and we can get back in the master suite.

Let's see: is that enough documentation for now? Check. More updates to follow soon, friends and readers and second children everywhere!