Catch Up Post: Beach trip

In May, we took a long weekend trip to the Georgia coast. Aaron and I were feeling remiss for not getting Zeke to the beach more often, especially after he enjoyed his last trip so much. We rented a cottage a few blocks from one of favorite beach hangouts in the Savannah area and looked forward to a weekend of playing in the sand and water and good eats.

The best laid plans of mice and men, though....The weather was unseasonably cool and rainy and felt much more like fall than the start of summer. Our last day of the trip, the temperature dropped into the upper 60's. To top it off, the day we got there we went for dinner to our favorite restaurant only to find it wasn't open yet for the season and perhaps even closed permanently. Still, we took Zeke for a walk on the beach and he seemed very hesitant about the water. He also looked a little worried as he talked about how "big" the water was. But, I showed him he could write in the sand and he loved that. He loved that so much that the next day, the only day suitable for getting in bathing suits, he would only play and write in the sand. The only other activity he was interested in was taking pictures with his camera.

Despite all of this, we had a really nice time. I brought lots of games and books with us so we had plenty to do even when inside, and we also made a trip to an indoor play area at an area mall which Zeke thought was really fun, probably more fun than going out to the beach. Also memorable from the trip was that he really adopted our rental cottage as a second home and talking about it as "our other house." This is a theme that extended throughout the summer as he also called a hotel in Charlotte and the house we rented in Turks and Caicos our other houses. What we lacked in good weather and timing this summer, we apparently made up for in good real estate!

The first day, tracing letters in the sand.

The second day, same as the first.

Finding the right beach shot.

A rare smile on the beach, getting a ride from Dad.

Zeke reading his favorite book at the time, Where the Wild Things Are.

The longest meal ever

Zeke was determined to make it through an entire meal recently, using only chopsticks. I appreciate the way he stuck with it, but I'm sure the waiter would have appreciated us leaving the table a little faster.

Halfway There

I'm at least halfway through this pregnancy now. Fortunately I finally seem to be beating the exhaustion, so I am optimistic that I can get more done in the next few months than I have in the past. Could just be the timing or the massive amounts of B12 and iron that I have started taking. Now my naps are just one hour versus three hours! The belly has really popped out in the past two weeks and the belly button is almost gone. I've switched into a few maternity items finally, though I'm mainly wearing some of my clothes from before I started my fitness kick this year. With the appearance of the belly, this pregnancy has only just started seeming really real. Without further ado, here is a belly photo. The photos of me aren't great, but let you give you an idea of what is going on.

Camouflaging the belly

Oh, there's the belly...

Catch Up Post: School

In September, Zeke started his third year of preschool and the second at this preschool. In an exciting change (at least for me), three years olds get to go to three days of school, so he now is at school one extra morning a week. Otherwise, there were few other changes. He knew all the children in his class from last year or playgroup, his class was next door with teachers he knew, and the class routine was entirely unchanged. Given all this, I assumed Zeke would be glad to get back into the swing of school and see his friends and sing songs and make organic snacks and make leaf prints after nature walks and do all the other hippy-dippy things that I love at his school.

This was not the case, though, and it was mildly traumatic (at least for me). I should have taken some hint from how things were going to be from his reaction to the summer camps he attended at the school this summer. Despite the fact he was in the same classroom with the same teacher and a few of the same children, he was very unhappy attending the summer programs he went to. I chalked it up to a couple of important differences: he didn't know the majority of children in the program, a lot of the children were younger or coming to the school for the first time and had a hard time adjusting, and then also it went against his expectations. I always try to prepare Zeke for big events like holidays or school breaks by letting him know well in advance and reminding him and putting in on his calendar. In May, I let him know there school was going to be out for the summer and he wouldn't be going back for awhile and that it might be the last time he was with his teacher. I referred to this as a "school break." Therefore, I should not have been too confounded when he started crying when I took him to the second or third day of summer camp in July. He kept telling me, "No no no it is broken! School is broken!" I didn't know what he talking about and thought about asking his teacher if he had broken something the first day. Of course, now I think it was about my word choice of "school break" and school being so different. Poor mommy, poor Zeke.

Zipping to September, Zeke was the only child in his class who cried when we attended the Open House when you come in and meet the teacher and just play in the classroom for the morning. Oh, how I felt the dread starting to creep in that he was attached to me the whole time we were there. School started and every morning was a struggle. He didn't want to go to school, he didn't want to pull onto the street where the school is, he didn't want to get out the car, and he certainly didn't want to put his things away and then go in the classroom. Every morning his teacher had to take him from me crying. Again, this is from a child who has gone to school for two years and knows this environment back and forth. My consolation is that the teachers reported that he stopped crying a minute or two after I left and that he was always happy when I picked him up. He just seemed to not be able to get over the transition and letting go of me. Then we went on our Turks and Caicos vacation early in the school year for a week, throwing him off routine and nothing had changed when we got back to school. This continued for the next three weeks -- maybe even four?

It was embarrassing, exhausting and challenging. As a compulsive worrier, I wondered if there was something about the school that wasn't working for Zeke. I picked this school for what I needed and what I thought Zeke needed, but not for what Zeke wanted. Zeke may have wanted to stay at the first school he went to where time is highly structured, activities are traditional and school-oriented (e.g., worksheets, skill charts with gold stars, book time) and rewards can include movies and candy. Zeke who loves reading, adult directed activities and movies, I thought, might be more comfortable there than at a school like his where toys do not have buttons or plastic, stories are told or sung not read and children are given a lot of time for self-directed learning and play. Aaron shared my concern about Zeke having a hard time with school, but thought that this was much more an issue about Zeke being three and being attached to me. The teacher felt he was making a show for me for some reason she couldn't pinpoint since he was fine once I left. I really tried everything I could to make it better or different.

Finally, a few weeks ago, it changed. Suddenly and completely in one day. One day, Zeke had no complaints or whines about school, put his things away, gave me a big kiss and hug and walked into class on his own. There are three possible reasons. First, I gave him a different "script" to follow. I focused less on telling on telling what not to do and reworded my directions to him. So, less "no crying today" and more "walk into the room without me." Really, when I told him we were going to go to school and that he had four concrete things he had to do, it seemed to click. He said, "Oh, okay" like he just hadn't understood me before. Second, I promised him that if we went three days without crying, he could have the Shaun the Sheep DVD I bought him and cruelly left out sealed and unopened. My kid really loves DVDs -- so much that you would think that the only thing he does is watch DVDs, so this should have been a strong motivation. Third, it could just be that he changed and it had nothing to do with me. His being three years old has been a real challenge for all of us (a post on this to come), but in the past month, things seem much smoother, I don't worry about whether he will make it to four and we are all much calmer. So, maybe he just changed. More evidence that what I do as a parent ultimately seems to have less impact on things than what Zeke decides to do: it is both a relief and a terror to see this in action.

Now all seems much better and the past weeks forgotten. Zeke's attitude when he goes to school is the same as when he is at school as when he leaves school. He learns lots of other things from his classmates (most recently, how to be Spiderman shooting webs from his finger and that "poop" is a funny word). His teachers report that he has an excellent memory and can repeat a song or story after hearing it once, listens and follows directions well, is appropriately independent, participates in storytime, sings all the time and is generally very sweet to them and to his friends.

Aaron and I did get called in for a conference recently which had me a little worried -- even though I got the invitation after asking a lot of questions about his behavior in class I still worried they wanted to tell me I had a mini-sociopath or similar. In fact, they just wanted to tell me that they noticed that he had a harder time in class with imaginative play in free time and joining classmates in imaginative play. This behavior meant that his play was a bit repetitive and his idea of joining friends playing with blocks was to knock down their block castle. None of this was a surprise and I think we helped illuminate the situation for the teachers. This is in fact, some of what he is like at home, he does like adult-lead activity and this is not at all related to how often he plays with other children, as he plays with other children at least once a week. Also, I have noticed in the past few months, a real growth in his imaginative play, though I think he has always been creative -- just not in ways that you would see when you put a dozen three year olds in a room with a bunch of wooden toys. Talking with them and sharing observations reinforced some of what I perceive about Zeke: he is a left brain dominant sort of kid, likes the mechanics of language, is literal (see above: "school is broken") and technical and concrete. It's all stuff that will serve him well when he gets into a more traditional school setting.

And, for now, I certainly do feel comfortable putting him in an environment where the teachers see his differences and are trying to help him develop that which is more challenging for him. He likes the snacks, his friends, and the time to play. Two weeks ago, they had their first field trip which was out to a farm and tonight they have their first whole school event, the Annual Lantern Walk. Despite the rough start, I'm looking forward to the rest of the year and hope it continues as peacefully and happily as it is now.

Baby Zeke

Zeke has a few children in his life who he really seems to care about and have an affinity for. And, luckily enough, these children also seem to reciprocate that friendship. I feel lucky that we have been able to expose Zeke to enough children in the right settings so that he has found children he wants to be his friends: from children of friends we met in childbirth class to playgroup to around the cul de sac to school.

More than a few of his friends have baby siblings, but at least a couple of his friends will have babies join their families at about the same time. Zeke's friend S. used to live in our neighborhood, is in the same class as Zeke this year and last, and her family is expecting a baby in April as well. Her mom told me and mutual friend T.'s mom, that S. is pretty clear on what their baby should be named. If the baby is a girl, she should be named after T. If the baby is a boy, he should be named "Zeke". Swoon, I love S.

Sprout and Butterbean

As I mentioned recently, Zeke doesn't really seem to get the idea that I'm having a baby and that there will be someone new here pretty soon. However, we can tell he is working on it over and twisting it around in that big noggin of his, even if he isn't asking much about it.

Piece of evidence #1: Zeke likes to read everything and loves to read his books, even the duds we sometimes check out from the library. But, he steadfastly refuses to read the Dr. Sears Baby on the Way book I bought a few months ago. He is familiar with this series of books and was a fan of the Dr. Sears potty training book, but we have read not even one page of this book. Too much information, I guess. Eh, I continue to leave it out and see if he takes an interest.

Piece of evidence #2: He announced to his entire preschool class yesterday that he has a baby in his tummy.

Piece of evidence #3: He has determined that the baby is saying "blurb, blurb, blurb" much like how he imagines that fish talk underwater. I didn't tell him that the baby is underwater or what things are like for the baby, but this is his intuitive understanding of it. Even though he thinks the baby is talking, he does not want to talk to the baby. I asked him if he wanted to talk to the baby this week and he honestly looked a little freaked out that I asked and shook his head.

Piece of evidence #4: He doesn't spontaneously talk about the baby, but will answer questions about the baby when asked. When the baby is born, he is going to sing it "Hush Little Baby" from the book Zeke has. The baby needs a teddy bear like he has a teddy bear. (I think Zeke might have picked out one of his bears to give to the baby. One of his bears is now named "Baby Bear" and his bear is "Zeke Bear" and the one that he makes me carry around sometimes is "Mama Bear." Thus, I think Baby Bear must be intended for its namesake.) Zeke now only wants a baby brother, though he very early on voted for having a sister. Many of his friends have baby brothers, so I think he just wants the same. He wants the baby to named something that sounds like some combination of "owls" and "olives." It sounds like "awl-yuz" though according to Zeke this is spelled "T-O-Y-S-R-U-S."

He does seem to be warming up to the idea of someone else being in our lives, though, and that warms my heart. Sometimes he asks for me to sit next to him in the car, even when I am driving. Last week after I told him I was driving and couldn't sit in the back seat, he asked me to move his seat into the front passenger seat so that he could sit next to me. I told him that children have to sit the back seat and that when the baby comes that he or she will also have to sit in the backseat in a car seat. Zeke pointed and asked, "The baby will sit there?" That really took hold because he was very excited about that and even told Aaron that night the news that he would be sharing the backseat with the baby. Today after loading him up in the race car shopping cart at Home Depot, he told me that the baby would sit next to him in the cart soon. Let's hope he feels so warmly about sharing everything else in his life, too.

Zeke the Protector

We try to raise Zeke so that he understands that there are rules for him to follow -- and that he sometimes has the safe space to break rules. For the most part, we seem to be succeeding and he is a pretty rule-based kid. (For the other part that doesn't follow rules, I chalk that up to him being 3.) He seems to have internalized a lot of rules and we've noticed recently that he tries to enforce them among his friends and with us. For example, I've asked him to be considerate and not be loud when I am on the phone and he demands the same of me when he is on the phone. The difference: I'm on the phone with a person that wants information from me from some reason, Zeke is on a play phone having a conversation with himself.

We also feel, in general, that Zeke is developing appropriately in regards to his moral character and empathy. Aaron was really the one who noticed this first, but I got to see this first hand at the playground last Friday.

We were having a great play date at the playground with one of Zeke's good friend from schools and Zeke was really caught up with his friend. He stopped in this tracks, however, when he saw two little boys, one younger and smaller and one older and bigger than Zeke. The younger one was wailing and the older boy was dragging him away. Zeke ran over and got between them as I scrambled to get closer to see what is going on. Zeke put his right arm around the younger one and put his left arm straight out to get some distance between them and the older boy. Zeke started saying, "No, we don't hurt! No, we don't hurt!" He then started backing away with the little one while keeping his eye on the big one -- it was like from the war movie when the heroic soldier puts himself on the line to save his endangered comrade. Honestly, I swelled a little with pride that Zeke wanted to help and protect the little boy. He was so quick to action! He wanted to do the right thing!

Then, I had to pull Zeke off of the littlest boy and apologize to his mother who had also rushed to the scene.

Zeke, who might be hitting milestones for being moral and empathetic, has not yet learned to carefully observe situations, ask questions or read other people's emotional states. The true situation my child inserted himself was not what he thought it was. The little one had fallen and was upset. The bigger one was his older brother and was trying to get the little one -- in a kinda rough way -- to their mother on the other side of the playground. Zeke probably just made the situation much more upsetting to both of the other boys.

Still, the image of Zeke pulling the one boy close to him and the other bigger boy away from him makes me smile. Maybe he will make good big brother material?