Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of cheesy Valentine's Day and 10 years of marriage and all of the things for which I am so grateful in my little life, Aaron and I renewed our wedding vows. I should say rather, that today Aaron completely indulged my wish to renew our vows! Below is the article from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that explains a lot of the particulars of where and how. I've always told Aaron that I thought we should get married again, but he requested that it be without an audience or much pomp or circumstance. I at least obliged on that request. Here are the details not included in the short story.

The day was fun to get ready for, even though it didn't take much preparation or money. I might have splurged on getting a pedicure and a haircut, but otherwise, I wore a $10 white "special occasion" maternity dress from target.com with a red sweater (also from Target) and the jewelry I wore at our first wedding. (Also, my little "secret" -- maternity Spanx. No, really, maternity Spanx. They cost more than the dress, though I guess most things do. It's a crazy world we live in.) Aaron wore the exact same suit from our wedding, though with a different shirt and one of the ties that he wears once or twice a year. If it weren't for my being a gazillion months pregnant, I might have opted for a GIANT princess gown off the rack from David's Bridal, maybe with a tiara, because that was not something I opted for before, but I figured I would be large and obvious enough with a GIANT belly instead.

In typical fashion, we barely made it there on time. Of course, we left in plenty of time, but TWICE missed the turn off for the midtown mansion and got there at the exact moment when we were supposed to start, 12:45 PM. I think the coordinator really thought we weren't coming! So, once we got in there, we rushed right in, I went upstairs, walked down the grand staircase really willing myself to not fall to the strains of a harp playing the wedding march, met Aaron at front, let Zeke take some pictures and we made a bunch of promises that we've already made. Zeke was interested, but mainly in taking pictures and getting into the bag of candy that the hostesses gave him when we came in. The ceremony part of the day probably took less than 10 minutes! Afterwards, we skipped out on the champagne toast, but instead had a cupcake toast and they let Zeke have one as well. He left huge chunks of frosting and crumbs on the floor of the "reception" area, but the historic mansion has probably survived worse than a three year old with a chocolate cupcake. A photographer took some staged portraits that might be worth buying, but we were also photographed and interviewed by the local newspaper. The reporter said she really loved us, but I think it is because we were one of the very few vow renewals for the day and because I think she thought Zeke was cute. (She said that she felt he should be a model for GapKids.) Next year, I bet the paper shoots for the commitment ceremony aspect.

They shooed us right out because the ceremonies kept going and we were leaving so fast that I hit the door before I remembered I didn't have my purse or coat. Afterwards, we had a special brunch to continue the theme of "Cheesy Special Occasions" and went to the Sundial Restaurant at the top of the Westin Hotel downtown. This time we did manage not to miss any turns in our own town and got there in plenty of time. Home we came, where I finished my gift to Aaron, a cherry pie, and we hosted our 3 year old neighbor-friend for the rest of day so that his parents could go out and celebrate. By early evening, we were already getting calls about our photos being in the online paper.

Zeke seemed to really enjoy Valentine's Day, in general, largely because it started last week with a classroom party and because lots of candy and cupcakes seem involved, but he also seemed to enjoy today. One of the interesting side stories about this is that I have been telling him for the past few days that he was going to see Mommy and Daddy get married again and then we would go for a special meal. One time, he said we were going to eat rice after we got married. As with a lot of things these days, I said, "Sure, okay" without really having a clue of why he was saying something. Then today as we getting ready, he said we have to eat the food that falls from the sky when we get married. We had no idea what that was about, especially because we had not connected it with the previous comment about rice. He goes on and on about food falling from the sky when people get married and then it finally occurred to us that he has some cultural knowledge from an unknown source that people throw (or used to throw rice) at weddings. At first we were thinking it had to be from a movie, but now I'm beginning to think that it comes from my talking to him very briefly about a small picture on the title page of Knuffle Bunny that shows the main character's parents leaving a church after being married with people throwing rice. It seems I am perpetually underestimating what makes an impression on this kid.

So, it was an extravagant gesture that was quick and sentimental, but I'm really happy about our vow renewal. I guess it feels a little like we've got the extended warranty for another ten years of marriage, even though it was never really needed. What I really meant to tell the reporter (though she appeared fine smoothing over my original quote) was that I wanted to do this because it seems like such a good time to celebrate where we have been and where we are going and all the things that have happened in between, including Zeke and baby brother-to-be. How grateful we are, how lucky we are. Here's to our first ten years of marriage! Here's to children and happy marriages! Here's to cheesy Valentine's Day!

We made the news today!

At Rhodes Hall, Cupid was on the clock

A few months ago, Ashley Hardaway and Clarence Lammie Jr. sat down to brainstorm their Valentine's Day plans.

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Elissa Eubanks, eeubanks@ajc.comJamie Ravenscraft bends down to talk with her son, Zeke, 3, after renewing her vows with his father Aaron Cobb on Valentines Day at Rhodes Hall in Atlanta, Ga.The couple got married in North Carolina 10 years ago and wanted to renew their vows after reading about Cupid at the Castle last year. They are just one of 25 weddings ceremonies that are being performed today at Rhodes Hall at 15 minute intervals.

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Elissa Eubanks, eeubanks@ajc.comSonnia Nunez places a wedding ring on her husband-to-be Noel Khalil at Rhodes Hall on Valentines Day in Atlanta, Ga. Sonnia is from Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic and she met Noel online two and a half years ago.

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Elissa Eubanks, eeubanks@ajc.comFrom left, newly married Ashley Hardaway Lammie and Clarence Lammie pose for photos after their wedding ceremony on Valentines Day at Rhodes Hall in Atlanta, Ga. The couple met last March and got engaged a few months ago after Ashley jokingly suggested it.

Dinner? Dancing?

Or, as 28-year-old Hardaway laughingly offered, how about getting married?

It took her easy-going boyfriend, 33, only a second to think about it: Yes.

The two, who began dating last March, were among 25 couples who got hitched on Valentine's Day during Rhodes Hall's Cupid At the Castleevent. Now in its second year, the event lets a loving duo pay $200 to exchange life's most important vows, stand for photography, toast with champagne and nosh on cupcakes -- all in 15 minutes.

"I really didn't expect to be getting married today," said still-in-shock Hardaway, who wore a stylish ivory cocktail dress and bejeweled heels. "But he's an laid-back guy. He never says no."

With a dozen or so in the audience, the attractive Jonesboro couple were married -- in six minutes -- by the father of the groom, Clarence Lammie.

"I don't think she expected me to say yes, but I was all in it from the start," said Lammie Jr., a self-proclaimed electronics junkie. "Plus, she said I could get an iPad."

The ceremonies kicked off at noon when Atlantan Noel Khalil married his bride, Sonnia, who recently moved here from the Dominican Republic after two and a half years of courtship. The couple purchased two time slots for their wedding, attended by dozens of family and friends.

Khalil, 59, said he was drawn to Rhodes Hall because of its romantic nature, not to mention the obvious ease of getting married on Valentine's Day.

"I can't forget the anniversary this way," Khalil said, beaming as he watched his bride stand for photos. "And I can get one gift for two special days."

Most of the whirlwind ceremonies were officiated by Chaplain Jeremiah O'Keefe-West, a good-natured Irishman quick with a joke. As the various couples exchanged vows, O'Keefe-West asked: "Is this your final answer?"

Some of the weddings were filled with nervous, happy tears of new brides and bridegrooms, while others were sentimental renewals of pledges.

Atlantans Aaron Cobb and Jamie Ravenscraft were married 10 years ago in North Carolina and decided to celebrate their decade together by renewing their vows Sunday.

The only audience for the eight-minute ceremony was the couple's 3-year-old son, Zeke, who played with a toy camera as his parents recited their commitment.

Ravenscraft, due to deliver their second son in April, said she had wanted to renew their vows since learning about Cupid at the Castle last year.

"It just seemed like a really good time to remember happy memories," she said.

Zeke, by Zeke

A recent self-portrait of Zeke on a birthday card to Aaron's mom. The lines through the eyes represent glasses and there are very faint eyebrows, though they ran into his hair line. He insisted on both of these details. Coming off of his head he has giant ears and Zeke seemed to regret adding the ears on and then made them into part of a giant bubble around himself. The head size seems pretty spot-on, as does the silly smile.

First day of school...again

Today was a great day. One of the things that made me absolutely break out in a smile was that Zeke had his first day of school today. And, he was happy about it!

This is quite the reversal from where we were a month ago. (Did I mention I found 2009 a difficult year? Even -- nay, especially -- in its last month?) We withdrew him from his last preschool at Christmas break and he had been at home with me in January. The story of why is a long one and not particularly a lot of fun to tell. Years from now, we may laugh or just shake our heads remembering it, we may be grateful for the experience. A short version of it is that in our second parent teacher conference of the year, the teachers said they felt that Zeke has "sensory issues" and should be evaluated by an occupational therapist for sensory processing disorder. We got this news, as did at least 8 other families in 4 classes of 3 and 4 year olds or about 40 children. It was not handled compassionately or intelligently by the teachers or school director. I am a staunch believer in early intervention and an advocate for the value of teacher observations. However, the situation was farcical, the presentation unprofessional and their observations lacked the force to support their diagnosis. If these educators had worked with me in my previous professional life, I would have reported them. If they worked for me, I would have retrained them and reprimanded them. What happened seemed to be the epitome of a sort of modern treatment of children in our culture that no longer lets us see some children as more than the sum of their developmental labels, their food allergies, their enrichment activities, their preschool achievements. There is so much to share about this outrageous story, but I will keep it simple and say: the school was not the right place for our family.

While I do not believe that Zeke has sensory issues any more than any other 3 year old, it did make me revisit the topic of the October meeting regarding their observations about Zeke's imaginative and associative play, possible cognitive issues. It also caused me to question Zeke's overall development and if he really is at the place he should be at, including some of his social skills, expressive language, and even motor skills. It also made me question whether some of his gifts -- being a fantastic reader, not being terribly mischievous, for example -- were really gifts when they in fact were symptoms. I got onto what I call a "hamster wheel of compulsion" where I could not stop thinking about Zeke being delayed, what labels might fit, what we should do, where he should go to school, why he might be different. I interviewed various specialists and set up appointments, rejiggered Zeke's health insurance and spent way too much time on the internet -- the internet where every malady you have probably means you have cancer and every flaw your child has means they are autistic. I learned all the diagnostic criteria for hyperlexia, sensory processing disorder, Pervasive Developmental Delay and Asperger's. I found a lot of worried parents' blogs about their neuro-atypical kids. I spent hours talking to friends who were kind and generous in sharing. I lost sleep. I got angry at Zeke sometimes. I probably drove Aaron nuts.

But, then, it got better. At home with me and away from school, I saw a Zeke that I have always seen. Sweet natured, gifted in some ways, a little quirky in others. We spent a lot of time with other children and I saw that Zeke was pretty on par developmentally with them and that those children had their fair share of quirks and that their moms had their fair share of irrational worries. I saw some of those developmental leaps we see about every six months. I started thinking about what my own advice would be (and has been) when a friend tells me they are worried about their child: take three months, watch, maybe take another 3 months and, then if you are still worried, evaluate. I cancelled the evaluations. I enrolled Zeke in the school he went to when he was 18 months and I moved on.

Yet, I still worried about how Zeke would move on. In looking back over what I have written about his most recent school, I see there were a lot of times when he had a hard time getting into the routine there. I see now there may have been a reason for that. Regardless of that, he really loves his friends there and the time to play with them. I valued that he had a reliable routine. I didn't want to put him through a transition like moving to another school right before the biggest transition of his life -- the addition of Butterbean.

I tried to prepare him. We made use of the mom's morning out program run by his old school, we got together to play with old friends from the school, and I asked him if he would go to school with one of his old classmates, our neighbor and his favorite girl, Divine Miss M. Then he got sick with a yucky stomach bug and had to stay at home for a week, depriving him of his favorite thing of playing with other kids. So, today he was all revved up to go, ready to escape being at home with me. I expected some trepidation, some worry from my sometimes sensitive kid. Wrong, Mom!

Zeke walked in the room, said "Good morning" enthusiastically to his teachers, sat down at a table and started playing with Play-Doh. When I left, I peeked in and he was singing while playing. Laughing. Even dancing in his seat a little. Perfectly Zeke.

It felt good to see that, really good. I went home happy. After school, I bought him a cup of strawberry ice cream. He gave me a picture he drew at school and we hung it on the refrigerator. Everyone loved the first day of school, even if it was in the middle of the school year.