At the very least (31 weeks, 3 days)

Hello, faithful readers and loved ones. Don't you just hate it when you go online to see a person's blog and they don't have something new everytime you go there? I do, so sorry I haven't been keeping you more up to date on things. I'm feeling tired and worn out, so no organized thoughtful posts at the moment. I have so much to post about though: finishing childbirth classes, Sprout's sweet new stroller, some pregnancy side effects that definitely get everyone laughing (I'm sure I'll laugh about it one day), more eBa(b)y adventures, etc. Overall, I've been feeling great and continue to appreciate everyone's kindness to me. (For example, Trish sent me the greatest box of clothes today for Sprout -- we shall not be wanting for footed pj's in the next 9 months for sure!) Also, expecting major progress on the conversion of the nursery this weekend. The room gets painted tomorrow and my office furniture gets moved out. After the painting, I'll be able to put up the curtains and start unpacking the closet where I have mounded the baby gear.

I still have a few worries, but how normal is that? I am a little worried about being ready -- there is no more time to put stuff off really. Just 60 days left on the calendar, people! Just 60 days before you get to meet some 2 new people: Sprout and Sprout's mama! (I'm definitely curious to know what she is like and just can't imagine her at all!)

Okay, quick story: I've been a little busy at work this month and neglected to eat enough today while at work. I had a 5 PM meeting and at 4:40 hollered out that I was going to go out and grab something quickly but I would be back. Apparently no one heard me! Sandra who rules our office only noticed I was gone when our 5 o'clock guest got there. I wasn't there to witness this but I guess it gave her a start, and she was looking for me on the deck and all around the 3 story office (we are in a townhouse). Reportedly she kept saying "How did we lose the pregnant woman? The REALLY pregnant woman?"

So, in summary: feeling good, been too busy, been tired, swollen, and working to figure it all out. It's a lot. But at the end of the day, I'm doing okay. At the very least, I have new monkey socks for Sprout. That's worth something.

Nesting on a grand scale (31 weeks)

In addition to turning my little office into a little nursery and a little nesting related cleaning, we have been making some changes around the house. For example, Aaron has done some electronics wiring in the house for our home theatre -- all the better to watch Sprout's videos, right? Aaron is also organizing his office so we can move the futon from my office/Sprout's nursery into his office. We also have made our grey house into THE GREENEST HOUSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

Maybe, just the greenest house on the block, but it is still a very dramatic change. Fortunately, we have become more accustomed to it and it has grown on me (and not like mold). We also have not received any letters from our neighbors who live in more subdued color homes. Our neighbors assure us that they like it and that it is "fresh." Hmmm -- I remain suspicious as we live in a pretty opinionated cul-de-sac. However, if they don't like, too bad -- that's their problem for not living in a community with a homeowners' association!

This is a photo of me from last Monday in front of our new green house.

My friend Stephanie (30 weeks, 2 days)

So, after writing about my deep dark fears, time for something to put them more in perspective.

As many of you know, the sad truth is that my closest friend since moving to Atlanta is an 11 year old. Her name is Stephanie. (I mentioned her in an earlier post about being pregnant versus being fat.) Unlike adult friends, I don't share too much of my adult life with her and I always have to drive when we go someplace. Still, we have known each other for the past 4 years since she was just a first grader and I care a lot for her. She has also done me the great favor of keeping my work grounded in something real and human. She gives me feedback on the school, tells me things about the neighborhood, invites me into her home in the projects, and helps keep my motivation going.

I always tease her and tell her that she isn't allowed to date until she is at least 30. I told her this again tonight when she told me she is excited about meeting the brother of a friend this weekend because he "likes" her. I asked her tonight if she understood why I always tease her. She was mostly right in her response: I don't want her to grow up and let her go. I told her that I also want her to not worry about being an adult and doing adult things when she is 11. I told her it is important for her to be 11 now, because she will never be 11 again.

Her response? "But, Miss Jamie, my cousin was 20 when he died. I can't wait until I'm 30. He didn't have very long to date."

....

Stephanie's cousin Michael was shot and killed by an unknown and unapprehended shooter in November. I don't have a lot of details about the murder or about the cousin, but I know: his girlfriend just gave birth last week to his second son, Stephanie loved her cousin who was teaching her to play basketball, and the killing has caused her more turmoil than she can express. His death doesn't seem to have been intentional, but a just a circumstance of living where he lived and being where he was.

Sorry to say, but this is not the first time I have been overwhelmed by Stephanie's life and I have felt the world's (and my) response underwhelming. For example, there was the time her mom was missing and in the hospital and then arrested (wrongly). In light of these things, Stephanie's inability to control her temper and complete reluctance to listen to authority figures is almost forgivable. However, this is not to say that for all the adult trauma this girl deals with, that she isn't still a sweet 11 year old. That is what I absolutely love about her.

At Christmas, we have a tradition. She writes a list of 5-10 people that she wants to buy Christmas gifts for. She thinks about what each person would like and then we go to the dollar store and check off the people on the list one by one. Afterwards, we go to eat, usually to Red Lobster (where that child can get meat out of a crab leg like she was sipping soda through a straw!). This year, beneath her mom, her aunt, Maggie the Dog, a friend, and 2 school staff members, she wrote "Surprise". She told me she wanted to buy a gift for someone, but didn't want to tell me who and was that going to be okay. I told her as long as it wasn't me, that it was fine. We got to the store and went through the entire list; gifts included candy for her mom, a picture frame for her aunt, a Santa mug for Mrs. Tanks, a zebra print toy for Maggie. For "Surprise" she asked me to stay at the end of one aisle and let her pick it out by herself.

She picked out a baby blue baby blanket. I kept the presents at my office until Christmas Eve and dropped them off at her house. She forgot there was the ruse of surprise and asked if we could keep the blanket at the office until she could give it to my son. The "surprise" person is Sprout.

....

Though entirely disappointed that Sprout is a boy because she has 5 brothers, Stephanie seems to have warmed up to the idea of my having a baby. She has been talking about the baby and asking how old babysitters should be. This week, she started planning a baby shower for me. Now, I don't know exactly what she has in mind, but she is looking for a party. She has drawn invitations, made a list of items she needs (lots of cake and balloons, no punch), and a potential guest list. I love a girl who knows the importance of a good list. I don't know, she might be thinking that I will give her $10 and take her to the dollar store, but she seems committed to her plan.

She might be only 11, but I am so glad to know her as I do. It's good to know someone like her is on your side. On days like today and after talks like today's, she just seems like a remarkable person and invaluable friend.

Maggie and the Sprout (30 weeks)

I personally think that one that will be the most excited about the addition to the family is Maggie the Dog. Maggie has been with us for just over 2 years now and she has been a great dog. She may, however, picked a family that wasn't quite right for her. Maggie is made to be a dog who plays for hours day and takes long walks. Aaron and I, however, spend most of our days in front of computers. For variety, we might watch some DVDs and sit on the couch. We do not always match her needs and the boys (our cats) certainly do not. Maggie does try to play with Sailor and, at best, Sailor tolerates it. Having a baby and then having a kid in the house will be very exciting for Maggie. Maggie also seems to be very gentle with children. Maggie will sometimes jump on people (a habit we have been trying to break), but does not jump on anyone under 4 feet.

Today, Maggie and Sprout had their first interaction, though they have never met. Maggie tries to earn her keep by barking at strangers near the house, a talent we appreciate most of the time. She has really been working hard this week as we have had the exterior of the house painted. The painters came today while I was still lying in bed, and Maggie had a good 5 minutes of loud loud loud barking just to remind the poor painters that she was there and protecting the inside of the house from their evil housepainting ways.

That 5 minutes was some alarm clock for Sprout! I can only describe my next few minutes by saying, I think that Sprout might know how to do the cha cha slide or something....Movement to the left, the right, to the back, to the front. I've read that babies can be responsive to bright light and loud sounds, and there have been a few occasions sounds have triggered movements (like when I got my teeth cleaned this week), but this was altogether in a different category of movement.

Other good news (29 weeks, 4 days)

* I'm glad to say that my 2nd glucose tolerance test and all the hours involved and all the bruising blood draws were not necessary as I "passed". Thus, no gestational diabetes for me and the Sprout. I'm going to return to exuberantly confident state that this is one of the simplest pregnancies ever.

* Have the crib all set up and started to put bedding in it. (Thanks, Dad and Cheryl!)

* Have a wonderful upholstered green gliding chair to go with it in the nursery. (Thanks, Trish!)

* Can still actually fit my fat ankles into my ankle boots!

Only downside this week is that a relatively new symptom for me is that I tend to blush easily. I guess it has to do with changed blood circulation, etc, but I hate it! I made a point (of disagreement) with someone at a community meeting last night and went totally red. Felt like it took away from the strength of my statement, darnit! Also blushed in our childbirth class last week when I told everyone how much I weighed at birth. Of course, I might have blushed even without this new side effect. I won't repeat how much I weighed, but I will say that I should probably be more grateful to my mother and that I am very very confident that Sprout will also be a strapping baby boy....

Oh, and some good news

I did get my car back finally from the collision repair shop. Aside from smelling like airplane glue (which I am sure was not involved in the repairs), it is all better. As a bonus, because the hood had to be replaced, I no longer have those two mystery dents on the top of my hood. The front of the car looks brand new. The repairs were almost $6000! Of course, they are covered by the insurance, but I hope this goes a way towards explaining why I was so angry about getting hit! We just paid the deductible which was equal to the depreciation check we got from the insurance company. I haven't gotten any updates recently, but as of last week Geico was still pursuing the matter with the other driver. Fortunately, she has not been crazy enough to try and file a claim against my insurance. That would be really crazy, but you just never know how crazy people are.

Anyway, it feels good to slip back into my car and know that I won't have to fill up once a week anymore and that I can go back to my smug hybrid driving ways!

Not exactly all sunshine and roses (29 weeks, 1 day)

Pregnancy has been good for me. I generally have been taking better care of myself, I haven't had problematic symptoms, and I've been getting lots of support from all around. All in all, I've been feeling better than I really ever have and it's even kinda cool to have all these changes going on.

I've also been feeling pretty fearless. At the first childbirth class, the instructor asked us to think about our fears and then find one word to describe how we we felt about birth. (Then we were supposed to do some exercise to tackle our fears and then come up with another word.) I tell you, I was stumped. I just didn't have any fears. I don't remember the word I picked (Aaron probably does), but it was "simple" or "uncomplicated". I can get all worked up by my fears about having to raise a child, but had absolutely no fears about labor and delivery.

That has started to change. It might have been last week's class when a couple from the class who delivered on Christmas came back to tell how their efforts at natural childbirth had been thwarted or it might just be from thinking more about labor and starting to formulate a birth plan. Or, it could be because my thusfar simple pregnancy hit a small snag when the midwives asked me to retake the glucose tolerance test because I didn't do as well as they would like -- that doesn't mean anything necessarily, but it could be something.

So, last night, I didn't sleep well and woke up in a panic attack after dreaming about labor. My heart was racing, I felt warm and uncomfortable, and just felt entirely claustrophobic in my own skin. And, apparently, I was not the only one because Sprout was kicking and squirming and bouncing all around. I just thought, okay, I'm going to get into labor and have a panic attack like this and I won't be able to deal with it. I won't be able to take any pain at all. I suddenly understood in a flash why one of my acquaintances had an elective c-section and never even vaguely considered natural childbirth. It was terrible!

I was able to go back to sleep and wake up and realize the dream/attack for what it was, but it was a real change from having gone through all of these months so confident and assured. I also now feel persuaded to take my relaxation exercises more seriously and to start a pre-natal yoga class recommended by the midwives next week.

On a better note, I made it through the second round of glucose testing today. (I don't know if it was because of the tech or because I was fasting and didn't sleep well, but those 4 blood draws hurt!) Even better, the fasting and the sugar drink didn't make me sick. I'm confident the results will come back fine. Also, no scary big growth spurts to report. I have had 2 in the past 4 visits and didn't want another. Actually, no weight gain between visits this time. The midwife also recommended a pediatrician from the list I brought in and answered the thousand other questions I asked. Aaron's mom came along for the visit and got to meet the midwife as well.

The midwife also checked the baby's heartrate and it was great. Instead of kicking her this time, he actually bolted away from my right to my left. Cagey little fellow!

Updates (29 weeks)

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. Aaron and I have been at home through the holidays and keeping snug in our little house. I've had a fair amount of time off and been staying home because of a little touch of a cold, so it almost feels like we have been in some little cocoon. Aaron's mom is visiting us this weekend and yesterday we dragged her through our regular "Baby Saturday" routine of going to class and shopping. We also ate Japanese food last night and will have greens and blackeyed peas today, so our New Year's traditions live on.

Yesterday, we made some big purchases that definitely move us closer to being ready. We finally decided on and bought a crib from a baby store in the area. I'm excited to have it taken care of. Okay, you know I love a bargain, so you know I only got it because it was below retail -- more than 60% less than retail, to be more precise. It is a dark stain that will match my computer desk (which will live in the nursery for awhile), has a drop-side and undercrib drawer and converts to a toddler bed. I'm hoping that we will get the nursery painted in the next month when we have a painter coming in to paint the house exterior and trim and two of the few rooms left without paint. Anyway, we should have the crib in the room by Tuesday.

We also got the car seat yesterday with a Christmas gift, so again, feeling a lot closer to being ready. Only 76 days to go!

New symptom of the week: Having finally gotten rid of heartburn, I now find myself with swollen ankles. Told you this was fun!