Not exactly all sunshine and roses (29 weeks, 1 day)

Pregnancy has been good for me. I generally have been taking better care of myself, I haven't had problematic symptoms, and I've been getting lots of support from all around. All in all, I've been feeling better than I really ever have and it's even kinda cool to have all these changes going on.

I've also been feeling pretty fearless. At the first childbirth class, the instructor asked us to think about our fears and then find one word to describe how we we felt about birth. (Then we were supposed to do some exercise to tackle our fears and then come up with another word.) I tell you, I was stumped. I just didn't have any fears. I don't remember the word I picked (Aaron probably does), but it was "simple" or "uncomplicated". I can get all worked up by my fears about having to raise a child, but had absolutely no fears about labor and delivery.

That has started to change. It might have been last week's class when a couple from the class who delivered on Christmas came back to tell how their efforts at natural childbirth had been thwarted or it might just be from thinking more about labor and starting to formulate a birth plan. Or, it could be because my thusfar simple pregnancy hit a small snag when the midwives asked me to retake the glucose tolerance test because I didn't do as well as they would like -- that doesn't mean anything necessarily, but it could be something.

So, last night, I didn't sleep well and woke up in a panic attack after dreaming about labor. My heart was racing, I felt warm and uncomfortable, and just felt entirely claustrophobic in my own skin. And, apparently, I was not the only one because Sprout was kicking and squirming and bouncing all around. I just thought, okay, I'm going to get into labor and have a panic attack like this and I won't be able to deal with it. I won't be able to take any pain at all. I suddenly understood in a flash why one of my acquaintances had an elective c-section and never even vaguely considered natural childbirth. It was terrible!

I was able to go back to sleep and wake up and realize the dream/attack for what it was, but it was a real change from having gone through all of these months so confident and assured. I also now feel persuaded to take my relaxation exercises more seriously and to start a pre-natal yoga class recommended by the midwives next week.

On a better note, I made it through the second round of glucose testing today. (I don't know if it was because of the tech or because I was fasting and didn't sleep well, but those 4 blood draws hurt!) Even better, the fasting and the sugar drink didn't make me sick. I'm confident the results will come back fine. Also, no scary big growth spurts to report. I have had 2 in the past 4 visits and didn't want another. Actually, no weight gain between visits this time. The midwife also recommended a pediatrician from the list I brought in and answered the thousand other questions I asked. Aaron's mom came along for the visit and got to meet the midwife as well.

The midwife also checked the baby's heartrate and it was great. Instead of kicking her this time, he actually bolted away from my right to my left. Cagey little fellow!