Bonus Posting

Dear Reader: As your reward for continuing to visit "About Sprout" you get a bonus posting to make up for the past week of non-posting. If it soothes your appetite any, please know that I do think of posting every day. I have gotten my new computer and it is supercool. It has lots of features that my old computer did not have, including a built in camera that I can use for teleconferencing from my couch or for taking pictures of my baby. I can also add special effects to those pictures like below. I am working on mastering one handed typing and on "NAK". NAK is one of those word you see when you spend too much time at a computer and at online boards on parenting. I didn't know what it was until after reading another post with "NAK" in it, I finally realized that it is "Nursing at Keyboard". I'm a multitasker, but not that much....

On that note, nursing has given me the time to burn through some of the films on our Netflix queue. (We watched March of the Penguins last night and Clockwork Orange just before that.) I'm also trying to pick up reading non-baby related things again. I've been reading my magazines cover to cover and have a few books stationed throughout the house. Right now, I am reading Tracey Hogg's The Baby Whisperer, Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees, and Geoffrey Nunberg's Going Nucular. Okay, there is one baby related book. Let me know if you have any recommendations for me the next time I'm at the library.

Overheard (7 weeks)

Last night I overheard this critical review of the classic children's book Goodnight Moon:

"I don't know about you, Zeke, but I think it was a little thin on plot and character. And, did you notice that 'moon' does not rhyme with 'room'?"

If my son becomes a literary critic, just know it wasn't my influence.

Whose Child is This? (6 weeks, 6 days)

I had made some assumptions about my baby, and I am woman enough to admit that they were wrong wrong wrong and wrong. For example, I assumed that because Aaron and I are very quiet people and -- reportedly -- quiet babies that we would also have a quiet baby. Yes, feel free to laugh at my foolishness. My baby does in fact make noise and plenty of it at a pitch and frequency that I cannot even begin to describe. I also assumed that we would have a simple, uncomplicated childbirth. It was simple, but it was certainly not as I pictured it.

Here's an assumption that I haven't decided was entirely wrong, though. I assumed this baby would have a lot of my features and would look like me. I don't know why...maybe just maternal egotism or maybe just not knowing what babies are like. I know I definitely was partially right. My baby has dark eyes and lots of dark hair that sticks up on end. I immediately recognized me in these things when Aaron first presented Zeke to me.

But, I was not expecting the number of people who would say that Zeke looks just like Aaron. It makes perfect sense, though. I have never had as well-defined of a chin or nose as my baby boy. Also, I've also always been round of face and this baby is not. I'm posting baby photos of me and of Aaron with our fathers and you can weigh in on whether Zeke favors one of us more than the other.

This is just another way that this journey has brought me closer to the unexpected, the unknown and wonderfully surprising. I am looking forward to learning more about the other ways that our baby Zeke carries part of me and part of Aaron with him.

What Happened to That Baby? (6 weeks, 2 days)

(Another delayed posting....)

Hello, everyone! Zeke had his second "well baby" check up yesterday with the pediatrician. After all the weigh-ins in the first few weeks, I had really come to miss going to the doctor's office and getting the baby weighed. So, I was excited to go. Our baby boy is now 10 pounds, 10 ounces and 23 3/8 inches long and perfectly normal! Even Zeke's little bicycle helment shaped head is starting to change its shape to something a less aerodynamic and more baby appropriate. His legs and feet are also straightening a little. The good doctor noted that Zeke is starting to look like a chubby baby with rounder cheeks. And, he only cried a little while we were there.

Still, he did cry. He didn't enjoy the time out of his clothes, getting on the scale and then getting back in his clothes. He also had to poop -- Baby's least favorite thing to do. He probably did cry more than the other two babies that were also in the office at the same time. It's a small office with a single doctor in the practice so you know when other people are there. One of the babies was this very cute and very large baby who was there with his sister Ava who I guess was four years old. They were leaving as we scheduled our next appointment. Zeke, though apparently not being ravaged by wild animals, was nonetheless crying.

Ava was getting ready to leave and put on her movie star sunglasses. She then asked her mother, "What happened to that baby?"

Aaron answered her that Zeke had gotten weighed and measured and checked. She told Aaron, he reports, "My brother got weighed and measured." She said no more and let us fill in the blanks: Aaron's answer had not satisfied her as her brother had not cried and that in fact something must be wrong with Zeke.

Baby Firsts (5 weeks, 4 days)

Here are some baby firsts....

* I spent my first half hour away from Zeke. It wasn't much, but it was a start. On Monday, I went and got a pedicure. I passed on the manicure, because Zeke still won't take a pacifier, but will suck on a finger when upset.

* Baby pooped on me for the first time. Two days in a row. Funny, but kinda not.

* Nursed discretely in front of other people and was not arrested or shunned or embarrassed. This may be too much, too personal to share, but it's certainly part of my story. It went fine. I am 100 times more confident now.

* On another nursing related issue (turn away, if you can't take anymore talk about me and breast feeding), I have frozen my first bags of pumped milk. I am now officially free to leave Zeke for more than 2 hours sometime in the next 3 months (the shelf life of frozen milk).

* Carried Zeke in his sling that makes us look like we might be from a National Geographic story. He likes it, or at the least it seems to render him comatose in a deep sleep. Furthermore, we went into Whole Foods like this. I wish I had a photo of it. This is really the fulfillment of a long-standing image of myself. When I worked at Whole Foods/Wellspring, I always saw the mommas wearing a baby and thought, "I see myself being that mom." Done.

* Zeke went to his first community meetings -- one with our city council woman on Sunday and the neighborhood association on Monday. The council member said Zeke was very pretty and "too beautiful to be a boy". I didn't ask for an official City of Atlanta declaration of this, but maybe next time.

* This happened in the first weeks, but I forgot to mention it. I have licked my finger and wiped something off my child's face. I'm a mom officially, I guess.

And, finally,

* Had my first Zeke and Mom day. Poor Aaron appears to have food poisoning or a stomach bug today. He has been sick and throwing up since early early this morning. Aaron has been in bed (or in the bathroom) all day. That left me and Zeke to our own devices and we appear to have survived.

Actually, Zeke has been really easy going today and mostly asleep. This is good as he has been pretty colicky in the past few days and was really upset last night. I hate when he cries and gets these real big tears! It seems to be getting better now that I am cutting more and more dairy out of my diet. A woman at the La Leche group really helped convinced me that Zeke has a mild milk intolerance when she described her son and his allergy -- it was very similar. Zeke has a stuffy nose, poop with a little mucous in it, and terrible stomach upsets and gas and is thus fussy more than a few times a day. Apparently, some babies aren't able to digest milk proteins in the first few months and it can become a full-blown allergy. Also, happens more to babies with Asian or African genes (maybe Zeke qualifies for this). Also, can be related to the amount of the offending item consumed when pregnant (I ate lots of dairy for protein). Of course, this is all self-diagnosis which can be frivolous, but I see the difference, so I am going with it. He could just be a baby, as babies get gassy and babies get colicky. Like I said below, the things I am learning!

I should be returning to you with more regular posts and photos in the coming weeks, though I don't make any promises. My new Mac Book Pro just came in the mail today to replace my downed computer. I should be able to use the laptop and internet from anywhere in the house and will no longer be sharing a computer with hubby.

Lessons in Parenting (5 weeks, 1 day)

I don't know that I have ever had so much to learn, and all this learning has had its challenging moments. However, as you parents promised, things really have been getting better. Here are some of the things that we have been learning:

* Showering before 3 PM = humanity. I can't even say how much the pedicure on Monday did for me.

* A $4 investment in an ocean sounds CD is worth much much more.

* A baby can like a hair dryer even when they don't have much hair. (I put it on low sometimes when he's fussy.)

* My exercise ball not only serves as an excellent desk chair, but as a baby soothing machine.

* Baby poop does smell unpleasant. And, you can hear it arrive from across the room.

* Baby fingernails grow fast and can be like talons.

* Parenting takes sacrifice. (We still think Zeke has a mild milk intolerance. He's been less fussy since I gave up milk, but now I am going to start cutting back on other dairy to see if it makes a difference. Goodbye, ice cream! Hello, Tofutti?)

* Parenting makes you forget things or overlook things. This year we barely noticed our 12 year anniversary of being a couple (our 7th wedding anniversary is in July).

In the past few days, I feel like I have thrown myself further into learning experiences. For example, today I went to TWO different mother groups. I have been to these in addition to the mother group from the hospital and the reunion of the childbirth class. It is amazing to see the diversity of moms, but fun, too. I won't keep going to all these groups, but I wanted to see which ones I liked. Today, I went to a neighborhood play group for infants. They meet once a week at a different mom's house. It was just as much fun to see my neighbor's house as it was to see all the babies. That one was in the morning. In the evening I went to the La Leche League meeting. Different type of group...more "crunchy" earth-mamaish types. That group meets in the evenings so I am more likely to return there.

Here is my summary. Mom groups are great. No one cares if your baby screams. Everyone expects you to ask questions, dumb or otherwise. It is part of the experience that you will probably lift up your shirt and show some boob. Absolutely no one minds if you are half an hour to an hour late. Of course, you don't want to run late because you might not get a comfy seat on the couch or leaning against a couch...better for nursing (which I have done at both groups).

I have actually discovered that there is this whole subculture heretofore unknown to me of mom groups. I think the four groups I have attended are just the tip of the iceberg. I went to Barnes and Noble with Zeke the other day and noticed a group of moms chatting and sitting on the floor with their babies in the children's section. It's a whole new world I've entered and I still feel a bit like a field anthropologist.

On Wednesday, I get back together with the moms from our class. Look for us at Starbucks!

No More Cat Butt: New Photos (5 weeks)

ANGRY BABY!

Don't let the ducky fool you...you don't want to make this baby angry!

Recent Photos

Reunion (4 weeks, 6 days)

This week we had an informal reunion of the moms (and Aaron) from our childbirth class. It was really great (again) to get out of the house and to socialize and to talk with people going through the same things. This is a photo of our last class in January, lined up in order of due dates (later due dates on left, early due dates to right). The instructor Laura is on left (she is having her second baby in September). We are having a reunion that includes all of the husbands and instructor in May.

This is most of us this Wednesday. The weather in Atlanta has been really beautiful this week, so Centennial Olympic Park was a good meeting location. Again, as with the mothers group, interesting to see each mom's style and difference in gear. I give a big salute to the Jen's, as they both nursed their babies while we were in the park.We talked about everything: birth stories, breast feeding, name choices, baby acne, poop, hard times and tips. Zeke was the newest baby there and was a total gem. He woke up for a little while, looked around, had part of a bottle and then was out for the rest of the outing. No fussing. On the left, we have me and Aaron Ezekiel. Then, Jen and Ewan Dean, Jen and Pendleton Peach and finally Lesley and Patrick George.

We've resolved to get together every week, though it looks like they will all have more chances to that. One works from home as a writer and the others don't return to work until the end of May and June. Next week, we are meeting at a Starbucks/Target. Who knows what trouble we will get into there....

Afterwards, we stopped at the office and surprised everyone. Appears they haven't changed the locks and no one was sitting at my desk, so it looks like I still have a job to go back to. It was good to see all the ladies and to show off the baby. We filled up on all the ooh's and aah's that the baby could take and headed home. I'm slated to return to work in three weeks and I'm sure Zeke will be coming back for more attention when that time rolls around.

(Note: I posted an entry that I was working on when my computer died. The entry is under April 7.)

Technical glitch (4 weeks, 1 day)

I'm still here! We're still here and doing pretty good! You haven't seen us around much as my computer died. It's a little sad, as I don't religiously back up data and may have lost some photos (not of the baby though), addresses and emails. Sigh. Between Zeke and sharing a computer, I've hardly been able to log on. I'll post soon, though. At the very least, I'll publish the draft posting I was working on before the computer took its final bow.

Not too much to note, other than we took our first outing to the mall and CompUSA yesterday. We dressed him up cute to see the world, though I don't know how impressed he was, either with being dressed up or seeing the world. Tomorrow we are going to Centennial Olympic Park and catch up with the other mothers and babies from the childbirth class. I feel terrible for our class instructor. Bradley instructors take pride in the number of their students who have natural childbirth. Two of the six opted for an epidural. Two of us had c-sections because of breech babies. Only one that I know of so far made it through without pain meds and we haven't heard details about the last mother who just gave birth this week. Still, we were a fun bunch, so maybe she will forgive us!

Going forward and backward (3 weeks, 4 days)

(Note: This is almost a week old and is what I was working on when my G4 gave its last gasp.)

Sorry, no new photos of Zeke today. Even without having a photo, though, I had to write about what a great day we had (I had) yesterday. Yesterday felt like a real milestone, even without too much having happened.

First, Zeke and I went out into the world yesterday without Aaron. I had to sit in the front seat and drive the car myself and everything. We went to the monthly mother's group at a local church and sponsored by the hospital. The group sometimes goes over specific developmental information, but mainly just gives mothers a chance to pose questions about their babies and maybe do a little socializing. There were 10 other mother-child pairs there and Zeke was the youngest baby there. I asked one question, but mainly just watched all the other mothers and babies.

One of the things that is really interesting for me is how motherhood has put me into a whole new and sometimes unexpected context for meeting new people. Somehow, you really can go without knowing other people who have experiences that you can share and learn from. For me, I really hadn't been around on a regular basis any women who were pregnant or have infants, so there was this gap of firsthand knowledge. In the past year, though, I have found myself involved in entirely new social circumstances. For example, I have participated in a few online communities, made friends through those communities, gotten to know people through classes, etc. It's really unusual for me to consider how many new people have entered my life other than just Zeke!

Watching the other mothers was interesting, just to see how babies react to certain interactions and seeing how mothers hold their babies in certain ways or do real lightening fast diaper changes or the like. I had a good laugh (on the inside) at the gear that these moms had, too. Obviously, everyone there seemed to belong to a certain demographic and had similar tastes. Outside of a Babies R Us, I had never seen so many similar baby things all together. If the dyad came with a stroller, they had a Peg Perego (the Benz or Lexus of baby gear) or a car seat carrier. If they had a car seat, again it was a Peg Perego or a Graco Snugride in the Blackwell pattern (the one we have). Including us, there were FIVE identical carseats. FIVE! And one of them even had the exact same rattle attached to the handle as I had put on Zeke's. When I got back and told Aaron, he asked if I was sure I brought home the right baby and car seat. I might have been a little underclass if I had brought my Maclaren in the room!

It was interesting and I'll go back next month. But, when we got home, we had the topper for a great day. No colicky fits. No crying when pooping. No crying when changing the diaper. A need to feed every 3 hours exactly. Just lots of wide-eyed looks and being cute and NO fits. I can see how you start learning a routine and be confident about meeting the baby's needs. I can almost even begin to imagine when this becomes fun! Now, if I can just build up the courage (and pumped milk supply) to be away from him, we'll really have come a long way from that first week. I don't remember the last time I spent so much continuous time with one person...It was probably when I was with my mom as a baby! Zeke and I have not been separated for more than an hour since he was born.

Then today we went out again into the world and I nursed while out there. It wasn't really in public, but almost. I nursed Zeke in the car while Aaron was running an errand. I consider it a practice run for when we really take this show on the road. A couple more practice runs and Zeke learning to control that big head of his and I think we will be ready. I was really feeling confident.

Of course, I got overconfident after that good day. Zeke had been seeming so much less fussy. Aaron made cookies, though, and I refused to drink the goat's milk we bought. (Remember that I had given up milk when Zeke's gas was really bad.) The goat's milk isn't bad for cooking, but that slightly grassy aftertaste prevents me from drinking it straight. I had 8 oz of cow's milk. Things went bad that next day on Saturday and Zeke seemed colicky all day. Ah -- I poisoned my own child! So, now I'm back to no milk and waiting for the milk proteins to get out of our systems if that is in fact the culprit.

So, good days, bad days. Two steps forward, one step back. Welcome to motherhood, Jamie!

For Zeke

Up until the moment the baby was born, we kept his name a secret. I know that some people figured we didn't want to share the name because we selected a "creative" name. While a lot of unusual names were suggested (by me mainly) for a girl early on, I think we always had a strong sense of what name we would pick for Sprout and didn't go through that process. And, once we knew his name, we wanted to keep his name close to us. Maybe part of it was to add some drama or to deflect other people's comments. However, I think we kept it secret because it was meant to be a gift -- a gift to our baby and a gift to those who love another Zeke.

Sprout is not the first "Zeke" in our family. Our child is named in memory of Aaron's brother, Tobias Ezekiel Cobb. Zeke was Aaron's big brother and best friend who shared everything with him. While I never met him, I know Zeke was an outgoing and friendly child; I have never seen a photo of Zeke where he didn't have a broad smile and his arm around Aaron. Zeke died in an accident when he was 12. Memories of him are warm and alive, but his passing, I think, left a space that could not be filled. Our Zeke does not fill that space, but will live with all the love that the first Zeke received and gave.

Zeke on the left and Aaron next to him on the right.

A few notes (3 weeks, 2 days)

Thanks for all the messages of support. I think we will be okay! It is reassuring, though, to have your words and thoughts and it is definitely necessary for me to say what I am feeling sometimes. I know this is "about Sprout," so in that spirit, I will get back to posting about him today. Also, tomorrow will be a big milestone, I'm going to go out into the world without Aaron tomorrow. The hospital sponsors a mother's group once a month, so barring any unforeseen events like the need for an immediate feeding for baby (or emergency nap for me), I'll be out in Buckhead with Zeke tomorrow....Here is a photo from 2 weeks ago of Zeke with his biggest fan, Aaron's mom. Trish volunteered to stay with us for a week after we got out of the hospital and helped out by doing some cleaning, errand running and cooking. I really appreciated it and am glad she got to spend some time with the baby.

Being Normal (3 weeks, 1 day)

While getting to know Zeke, I am also working to figure out who Zeke's mom is. I don't think she is entirely on the scene yet and guess that we have awhile to work it out. Give me a few more hours of sleep and a few more weeks and I think we will be closer to meeting her. I admit that this feels challenging and I have my moments of doubt -- I keep hoping that I am doing this motherhood thing okay and won't scar the kid too much in the first few weeks. As I said in my last post, though, everyday seems to get better, more normal, less improvised. I find that I am getting dressed, eating, getting some sunlight, looking at email a little more and talking to adults more. I most feel rocked by doubt in the early hours of the morning when it is him and me just trying to figure out how to make it through. I also struggle trying to figure out what is normal for now. Am I supposed to be together by now? Am I supposed to know by now how to calm him? Still, I am sitting with him right now sleeping in my arms (halfway in the sling that I am trying to figure out), and I do feel an awful lot of love looking at the halfway open mouth, ever longer eyelashes and spiky tufts of dark downy hair that inspire me to call him "Baby Bird". Between the highs and lows and in betweens, nothing feels normal anymore.

Physically, "normal" lacks some definition as I am somewhere between "normal" for a not pregnant woman and "normal" for a pregnant woman. For example, most of my pre-pregnancy clothes are still snug, but the maternity stuff is falling off of me. Today is also the first time I have been able to fit my wedding band on, but I have no guarantee that I will be able to slip it back off. I also have discovered that I have a belly button again, though the linea negra is not fading at all yet.

I had my postpartum checkup today and I check out. My small incision is healing, though I can expect for the next month or so that I will still feel a little sore and numb (I do). I can also expect to continue to have pregnancy carpal tunnel for a few more weeks. Numb fingers do not help with all the little snaps and buckles that are involved with baby clothes and gear, so I hope it goes away sooner. The great news is I have lost all but five or so pounds of my pregnancy weight -- YEAH!!! I'm still not going to tell you how much I gained, but it is a great relief to have it gone. I'm also cleared to start going back to the Y and to drive.

Here is a photo of me and Zeke coming home from the hospital and of some of our recent mother-child activities...napping. Mouse even tried to get in on the act.

The First 21 Days (3 weeks)

It is ASTOUNDING to think about how it has been 3 weeks since our baby got here. I admit that I am still trying to catch up as the days seemed to have blurred, especially in the first 2 weeks. So far, I think we are doing okay. Zeke is still in one piece, folks say he is a cutie, and we have even been out into the world a few times. The first week out of the hospital was a difficult one for me in some ways and Zeke and I spent a lot of time sequestered away in the nest we made in our bedroom. Last week both he and I were a little more active and in the world. This week, I am definitely catching back up and we are both more ourselves. Aaron has been a great daddy, eager to show off Zeke to everyone and very attentive to Zeke's needs and my needs. No hesitation for midnight feedings or diaper changes (or 2 AM or 4 AM or 6 AM, etc). Those two are deeply in love.

Here is the quick update for those who have been looking for it. Zeke is great. Perfectly healthy and caught up with his birth weight. It seems we got his weight checked a dozen times already, mainly because he lost 10.5% of his birthweight by the time we left the hospital and was 7 lb 13 oz. Weight gain was a little slow at first, but in his two weigh ins last week he was 8 lb 8 oz and then 8 lbs 14 oz. He still seems smaller than I ever thought a baby of mine would be! The pediatrician says we are clear to go until his 6 week visit at the end of April. Zeke also got the thumbs up when we went to the lactation specialist at Piedmont. (I went in just for a "check" to see that nursing was going well.) Zeke occasionally gets fussy and gassy and we still haven't quite worked out whether it is something in my diet or him being 3 weeks old. There just doesn't seem to be a good pattern for when he will be gassy or not and it doesn't seem to match up with what I am eating. I just hate it, though, because no one wants to see their baby cry....Between the unpredictable gassiness and still working on breast feeding, I haven't gotten really brave about going out into the world that often.

The main question we get is how is he sleeping at night. For the most part, he is a great sleeper and we would probably all sleep through the night but for needing to make sure he eats every couple of hours. Already, I think he would be glad to sleep 5-6 hours at a time.

Baby's firsts have included: first trip pediatrician, first (and second) trip to Target, first trip to a restauranta, first trip to Whole Foods, first walk around the neighborhood, first lick on the head by the dog (who is very good around the baby!), and first bath. We, of course, have had our firsts, like our first getting peed on, our first sleepless night, etc.

Here's what you are all really looking for, though -- the pictures. More soon!