Being Normal (3 weeks, 1 day)

While getting to know Zeke, I am also working to figure out who Zeke's mom is. I don't think she is entirely on the scene yet and guess that we have awhile to work it out. Give me a few more hours of sleep and a few more weeks and I think we will be closer to meeting her. I admit that this feels challenging and I have my moments of doubt -- I keep hoping that I am doing this motherhood thing okay and won't scar the kid too much in the first few weeks. As I said in my last post, though, everyday seems to get better, more normal, less improvised. I find that I am getting dressed, eating, getting some sunlight, looking at email a little more and talking to adults more. I most feel rocked by doubt in the early hours of the morning when it is him and me just trying to figure out how to make it through. I also struggle trying to figure out what is normal for now. Am I supposed to be together by now? Am I supposed to know by now how to calm him? Still, I am sitting with him right now sleeping in my arms (halfway in the sling that I am trying to figure out), and I do feel an awful lot of love looking at the halfway open mouth, ever longer eyelashes and spiky tufts of dark downy hair that inspire me to call him "Baby Bird". Between the highs and lows and in betweens, nothing feels normal anymore.

Physically, "normal" lacks some definition as I am somewhere between "normal" for a not pregnant woman and "normal" for a pregnant woman. For example, most of my pre-pregnancy clothes are still snug, but the maternity stuff is falling off of me. Today is also the first time I have been able to fit my wedding band on, but I have no guarantee that I will be able to slip it back off. I also have discovered that I have a belly button again, though the linea negra is not fading at all yet.

I had my postpartum checkup today and I check out. My small incision is healing, though I can expect for the next month or so that I will still feel a little sore and numb (I do). I can also expect to continue to have pregnancy carpal tunnel for a few more weeks. Numb fingers do not help with all the little snaps and buckles that are involved with baby clothes and gear, so I hope it goes away sooner. The great news is I have lost all but five or so pounds of my pregnancy weight -- YEAH!!! I'm still not going to tell you how much I gained, but it is a great relief to have it gone. I'm also cleared to start going back to the Y and to drive.

Here is a photo of me and Zeke coming home from the hospital and of some of our recent mother-child activities...napping. Mouse even tried to get in on the act.