Happy New Year!

See, lots of old material to put up, including a post I start six months ago about the new year, mostly about some new things that were going to happen in this year. Only now, I can say proudly about things that have indeed happened this year.

To start: It took some time to say goodbye to my grandmother after her death last August. Even though we were not together a lot, she had a very large role in my life and the process of mourning her got drawn out. We had an informal memorial service for her in August, but then had another memorial service for her a few months later in Chicago at her home church where her family and friends could attend. Of course, the holidays came right after that and the obviousness of her absence was hard.

When I came home from Chicago, I spent a long time thinking about what my grandmother's legacy to me would be. She was always very concerned about living her life in a way that it might improve the quality of my life and that of my sister and mother. Wanting to respect that, I thought about ways that my life could reflect that. I decided that I need to do three things to honor her memory and what she would want to leave behind. I thought about the things that I respected and admired about her and came up with these three things and they became my de facto new year's resolutions.

1. Enjoy and grow my friendships. When my grandmother died, we received condolences from people that she had gone to grammar school with. In an age before Facebook and email, my grandmother cultivated almost 90 years of friendship with people across the country by writing letters, inviting people over and getting on the telephone. I still need to work on this more, but I have been spending more time with friends and reconnecting. Lots more time out for lunch. I have even been out for coffee with my 8th grade lab partner who also lives in Atlanta! I still have a hard time getting on the phone and faltered a little on this when I had a large consulting project in February and March, but expect more from me, friends!

2. Grow something, anything. As I wrote before, one of the things that struck me as hard about the death of my grandmother was that there was so much she could do that I don't know how to do and that I have never even tried. One of the things that I have never done and yet she loved was to garden. I haven't gotten to the point where I am doing anything like gardening per se, but I am taking baby steps to at least getting into my yard. I did put some flowers in the window boxes that have been empty for two years and some hanging plants and I have yet to kill them. I also have some very lonely little tomato plants going and they are right next to my new composting bin. We had some new trees planted and also had a new deck built that we enjoy. I'm going to keep trying a little bit at a time, though this is a hard one for me.

3. Be healthy. Two things that I really remember about my grandmother are how much she watched what she ate and how physically active she was. When I was young I can remember going on long walks with her and, among her effects, we found an audiotape of her narrating her exercise routine! She could be very critical of other people's health, though not often mine. Still, I thought she would be happy to know that I was living a healthy lifestyle. At first I thought this meant that I would try to lose weight and maybe even try to get back to the weight that I was in high school, but now it has been about being healthy and active. I thought this was going to be the hardest goal for me and it was the hardest one for me to start, but this is the one that I have made the most progress on this year. First, I told myself that I was going to floss my teeth. Such a little thing, but really important and something I have just never kept up with. Done.

Second, get active. Done. No, really!

I have been faithfully attending a fitness bootcamp since the first week of the year. I told myself I just had to go one session to jumpstart my goal and then start going back to the Y, but I haven't stopped going. It was painful at first and I was a ball of nerves. My mantra that first session was "Show up, not throw up." I mean, I used to do anything to get out of PE when it was free at school. Also, physical activity is not my forte or interest and I shy away from things that I don't think I will be good at. But, I made it through all of that and now I am a "vet" at FitWit, a bootcamp that meets four mornings a week at the local school or park with fifth workout on your own. And, yes, I go in the early morning, which is doubly hard for me as a night owl. To cut to the chase, I have become a poster child for the camp, as the trainers frequently remind me how rough it was for me at the beginning. I am now faster and stronger than at any other point in my life. I have dropped over two minutes from my first mile time which was already faster than my times in high school. I can do toe pushups, pull ups and many other formerly torturous exercises. I haven't lost much weight, but I am definitely more toned and in shape -- people who don't know that I have been doing FitWit tell me it looks like I have been losing weight. Did I mention my new two piece bathing suit? It's been fun, I enjoy the people I've met and I get to carpool with my next door neighbor who has been going for years. I even ran my first 5k and am getting ready for a 10k (the Peachtree!). It isn't really much for other people, but a big change for me and I think my grandmother would be impressed. For the rest of the year, I'm going to try and sustain what I've been able to do and gradually add other health goals like getting enough sleep, a lifelong problem for me.

I think what I have found most challenging and also most rewarding is that I feel like I am making changes in my life and sticking with things that are out of my comfort zone. I have been worried for some time about getting stuck, getting rigid and not being able to make changes and do hard things as I get older. I see it a lot in people I know that they are not able to make changes and repeat negative patterns. So, at least for the past five months, I have been able to take some baby steps (and a couple of miles) to changes. I feel that is a legacy that my grandmother would want for me and my family and for me to share with Zeke.

Here is photographic evidence of my first 5k: crossing the finish line (so serious!) and with the race shirt.