Sprout's Been Feeling Better

(The following post is something I wrote offline and it gets long. For the blissfully briefer version, scan the second and second to last paragraphs.)

At the beginning of the month, I wrote about Zeke's 15-month pediatrician visit which included his first MMR shot. The MMR is a common immunization to prevent mumps, measles and rubella, diseases that used to be very commonplace but are now very rare. The MMR has detractors, though. Controversy stems from the use of one immunization to combat multiple illnesses, in its ingredients (lots of preservatives, animal byproducts, chemicals and, yes, viruses), and, more generally, vaccinations' suspected correlation to the onset of autism and other ills.

In brief, I believe in science and I believe science supports the use of vaccinations to keep children and the public healthy. We did not allow the baby to receive any shots in the hospital after he was born, but have kept up with most of the recommended immunizations. Many friends have delayed or rejected immunizations for their babies and I respect that. In fact, I now wish we had delayed the MMR for at least 9 months. Zeke was the one in 100 children who have a mild to moderate reaction to the MMR.

Those photos of the baby looking sullen after his first haircut? As mentioned, I got him home that afternoon and realized he had a fever. One day of fever didn't worry me. Babies get fevers. I didn't even give him Tylenol. Two days didn't worry me. By day three, though, his fever was rising, he had a rash, and he was very uncomfortable, uncoordinated and unhappy. He also wasn't eating. He nursed non-stop, when he had been nursing three times a day before the fevers. Now I did worry.

The on-call doctor said that Zeke was definitely having a reaction to the measles part of the shot. He tells all of his patients to expect a similar reaction seven days after the shot, the amount of time needed for incubation for the virus, and that it would clear up shortly. At this point, I feel upset, frustrated and angry. I took a healthy baby to the doctor and came back with a very sick one. I feel sheepish. I don't want to be judged by my non-vaxing friends. I feel anxious. Lots of stories on the Internet start with "My child was never the same after the MMR." (Read recent coverage of the federal claims court case on the suspected link between vaccinations and autism.) I'm not in a panic spiral. Just worried.

On day six, the fever finally breaks. We take the baby to the doctor and he agrees that the baby is on the mend. He says it is not a reaction to the MMR, despite all evidence to the contrary and diagnoses it as a common virus. I do not have the same 30 years of experience as the good doctor, but it seems unlikely to me because the symptoms look so much like an MMR reaction. Plus, even if it is a virus, Zeke likely contracted it as a result of his immune system working so hard to deal with the MMR, so it is still an MMR reaction in my mind. Zeke was still not himself, though: throwing tantrums, clinging to me and being uninterested in playing.

What happened? Nothing, he got better. By last weekend when we were traveling, he was completely back to himself and had an outstanding time visiting his family. It was scary, though. I didn't want to have a story like the mothers who are testifying in federal court about what they believe vaccinations did to their babies and, for over a week, our story started to sound familiar. I couldn't imagine the loss those mothers felt and the challenges those babies face so unfairly. Or maybe it is more accurate to say that I could start imagining it.

Again, let me say that I was not hysterical, just anxious and unhappy. I still believe in vaccinations, but am much more wary. Wary of the number of recommended vaccinations (I didn't realize how many more vaccinations are recommended than just 10 or 20 years ago -- LOTS). Wary of why they have to be given at such a very young age. From now on, our pediatrician is likely to get a lot more frustrated with me, because I am going to do a lot more research about each of his shots and delay if it seems necessary. A mother just has to do what she feels is best!